Rascals v's Moose

It was not to be. A whimper for a season close. Hey ho...

Rascals v's Moose

Last match of the season and when we were staring down the barrel of a 12 per over after 5, the Moose's score at tea looks entirely reasonable. Watch this space.....

Northiam v's Rascals - Match Report

ANOTHER POTENTIAL VICTIM ESCAPES

 

We gathered on Sunday for an early start against Northiam on a glorious September day.  Well I say gathered; it was more of a shambolic drift towards a game at oneish. This was partly due to Ed causing a massive traffic jam on the A21 and partly to do with the fact that Harry and George could not be prised from the local pub. George CAME last and loudest, which is apparently a habit formed during an illustrious career of shagging at university.

 

This was a young side, with 5 members under 21 (I think). It would have been six but the chairman's son failed an early morning fitness test, caused presumably by just a tad too much chilli in whatever the old man cooked the night before.   An air of unjustified and misplaced optimism was tangible as we won the toss and put them in.  As Ed was still stuck in his jam, I asked Tarqs for his advice on what to do in the unlikely event that we win the toss.  He said think what Eddy would do and then do the opposite, which I did.  

 

Northiam's was a strange innings in 3 parts. Part one was a shambolic fielding period where we gifted them runs. Then we were all over them like a cheap suit, with wickets tumbling including smart slip catches from the chairman and some fine bowling from Tarqs, George, Ant and Skills, Harry and Fred.  They were 100 for 8 with 15 overs still left and all their batsmen gone. Surely we couldn't repeat the performance of the previous weekend where we had had the Chelsea Arts Club in similar strife, only to let them have an extra 50 runs and blew the game. Could this happen again? Surely not.  And it didn't.

 

This time we let the last two wickets add an extra hundred runs to post a total of 202 from the full 35 overs.  Dear oh dear.  Having cruised through an unbeaten season until the end of August, September has seen us twice remove our foot from the opposition's throat and allow him to come back into the game. Our ruthless streak has deserted us and this time Northiam were the major beneficiaries. In fact, to be more precise, some bloke who shoots a few clays occasionally and who has been hoovering up every spare pie in the county over the past few years was the beneficiary and he smeared and splattered his way to 70 odd not out.  Well done to him.

 

Our reply to this grossly inflated total started badly, then got very bogged down and then revived itself to such an extent that a win was still very possible with two overs to go.   Ross went early, still reeling from the pie eater's heroics. Skills and Jamie M took it on until Ed decided to get out as we were scoring too slowly. Tarqs then joined Jamie and, in medical terms, the pulse on the body dropped to a very dangerous level with the patient starting to go very blue in the face and lots of doctors and nurses rushing around inserting drips and using lots of TLAs (Three Letter Acronyms). This extreme medical emergency was exacerbated by Tarq's inability to run, due to a bone spur in the heel and 7 exhausting overs bowled earlier, so if it wasn't going to the boundary (which it wasn't) it was a dot. Tarqs, have that operated on, enjoy the pain killers and the time off, put up with the 8 weeks on crutches, and come back to us next season sprinting singles like a man possessed or a dog on heat.  Please.

 

The patient, in true Frankenstein fashion, then started to revive. Jamie departed for a fine 40 and George belted out a fine cameo, which got Tarqs going.  Needing a run rate of at least 10 an over with 12 overs left, we kept up with the rate all the way with some fine hitting. The Chairman got involved as did Toby M who creamed one lovely 4 and then next ball smashed his own stumps down, clearly still wallowing in the glory of the ball before. Tarqs finally perished to a fine catch at long on and we came up about 10 runs short in a thriller.  

The last few overs were enlivened  by a young bald chap in a pink sweater who turned up and shouted a lot.  I discovered later that he was due to play for us but couldn't due to a luncheon appointment made in March 2011 which he had forgotten all about. I dunno really...... (By the way, the running total of catches dropped by members of your family in September is 7)

 

An almost truly epic victorious run chase which sadly fell a tad short. Just imagine if we'd been chasing 130/140. Piece of piss.

 

There must be a lesson in here somewhere but maybe letting the opposition get 70 more runs than they should have and then failing in an epic run chase is a lot more fun than winning easily and getting to the pub by 6.  Its our choice after all.

 

Well done everyone.  Mark might circulate the stats as I stupidly don't have a copy of the scorebook on the train.

 

The last game of a so nearly unbeaten season beckons next Sunday. Will we learn?  I doubt it.

 

PS. Note to our Club Skipper currently residing in a tent just north of Timbuktu. Sorry mate, we fucked this one up in proper style. Missed you.

 

Paul R

Monday Morning

8.57 from Frant, just pulling in to Charing Cross. X

Northiam v's Rascals

Worst of the conditions, worst of the scores, but fiendishly close as ever

Rascals v's The Chelsea Arts Club - Match Report

In true Rascals fashion the Rascals/Chelsea Arts club match began about half an hour after the time it had been scheduled to start. Everyone gathered, half still not in whites, the captains Neil Grigson and David “Mad Dog” Maddocks took to the square for the toss.  Naturally the Rascals won and it was decided that they would field first.

 

Opening the bowling was Tarquin Desoutter and Toby Clifton and coming on to bat for the Chelsea Arts club was G. McConnel and N. Singleton. Although they started off looking defensively solid Desoutter managed to break through the ranks by bowling a beauty that slipped between left hander McConnel’s bat and pad clipping leg stump and removing the bails sending him home for only 5, making the score 9 for 1.

 

P. Chamberlin, Chelsea Arts’ number 3, came on and Chelsea Arts started to make some ground through the medium of Singletons powerful slogging. Singleton was hitting the ball all over the park and this risky tactic was assisted by lady luck with Singleton seeing himself being dropped in the field 3 times by Rascals own Fred Keeling (aka Lady Luck). Fortunately the captain came through with a vital field change and the next ball Singleton was out due to a phenomenal catch by Will Drew and Clifton found himself with his first wicket of the game. The aussie talent Singleton left the field with 29 runs and the CAC were 2 down for 37.

 

H. Dodson comes on to bat with both CAC openers out and drinking tea in the pavilion, 10 runs later Clifton claims another wicket with Dodson being caught at mid-on by Paul Ross. Clifton capitalizes on this by getting Chamberlin with an LBW only a couple of balls later leaving CAC with only 50 for 4.

 

With the dismissals of the first four batsmen Rascals captain Neil Grigson called for the first bowling change, giving Clifton and Desoutter a much earned rest. Grigson takes over from the pavilion end and Skilbeck replaces Clifton on the other. Batsmen 5 and 6 (B. Shipley and C. Stevenson) were on the square, the weather was holding, the light was good and there was a victorious buzz settling over the Rascals.

 

Grigson took the next wicket clean bowling CAC number 6 Stevenson for only 8 runs. The Rascals excitement with this wicket was felt most by their second youngest player Jasper Keeling who, during the next over, flew several meters through the air to pluck the ball an inch from the ground and travelling at 75 mph to claim Skilbeck’s first wicket of the game and the Rascals’ sixth. This catch, which was still being discussed by the CAC much later at the bull, saw batsmen number 7 C. Kulasingam walking back towards the pavilion with a duck.

 

Gow came on at number 8 and although he was hoping for a big partnership with Shipley, Rascals captain Neil Grigson foresaw the threat and forced Shipley to put the ball up in the air and into the safe hands of Desoutter. The CAC were 95 for 8 and all but giving up hope, then A. Gow stepped up to the crease and with three wickets left to fall started to get runs. He was assisted first by number 9 L. Wisay who although showed good skill defensively when he tried to play a shot Skilbeck found the gap and bowled him sending Wisay home with a duck.

CAC number 10 K. Harrington a young lad with a lot of promise from the CAC youth squad supported Gow strongly, but after a couple of overs was bowled by second change P. Keeling and left with two runs. The final batsmen, CAC captain Maddocks, came on and together with Gow they pushed the runs to 140 before P. Keeling caught and bowled Gow.  Gow got CAC’s highest score with 36 and Maddocks was not out with 10. The players returned to the pavilion for tea.

 

The Rascals openers Will Drew and Paul Ross found out the hard way that the CAC had used the transfer window to get 3 very quick and accurate bowlers that wreaked havoc amongst our batsmen. Paul Ross was the first man out with inexperienced umpire Jamie Mackwood lifting his finger for not the first LBW he was going to give that day. Ross left with a duck and was replaced by P. Keeling who, two balls later, was bowled by Singleton and was forced to leave the square with no runs. Tarquin Desoutter, Rascals fourth batsmen, came on and started to play his trademark game of smashing runs until young Mackwood gives an LBW which cuts Desoutter short and forces him to leave for only 11. P. Richardson replaces Desoutter to bat and Fred Keeling replaces Mackwood as umpire.

 

Opener Will Drew who has been steadily getting runs and seeing out the the opening bowlers is thrown by the bowling of Stevenson for Gow and is bowled by Gow for 17 runs. Skilbeck comes on to start a partnership with Richardson but its cut short due to Richardson getting cramps and has to go off for a breather. Grigson comes on to try and repair the damage but as the Rascals were to learn CAC bowler Gow was on a destructive mission getting Skilbeck and Grigson almost one after the other, both were caught in the field, Skilbeck for 6 and Grigson for 3.

 

Clifton comes on as number 8 and J. Mackwood at number 9 but with the pitch now in a poor condition and the ball being very unpredictable they struggled and were soon dismissed, Clifton for one being caught in the field and Mackwood caught behind for 2. A Keeling partnership was started with the two last batsmen Keeling J and Keeling F at 10 and 11 coming on. Hopes for this partnership were not high and J. Keeling soon managed to play a ball going past his leg stump onto his off stump in a way that has the greatest minds in physics still trying to figure out quite how he did it. Jasper went for a duck and with the game looking pretty much over Phil Richardson recovers miraculously and comes on to finish his innings. Four balls later and Richardson is doubled over in pain as the second seam bowled ball hits his thumb and it could of continued that way had the square leg umpire not have noticed that Richardson was wearing left handed gloves.

 

F. Keeling and P. Richardson held out to the best of their limited ability, getting runs where they could with F. Keeling even scoring his first six in 3 years but it was not to be and Kurusingham bowled Richardson for 7 runs.

 

The Rascals were all out for 95, their first loss of the season but it all was forgotten as the next important decision got discussed… The Bell or The Bull?

 

FPK

Rascals v's CAC

Sadly our record has been ruined. Something about catching catches comes to mind

Rascals v's CAC. score at tea

CAC made 140 runs and we dropped nearly as many catches!

WAG's update: Van successful in her bid to conquer the Solent

Practically broke the record to boot!

Rascals v's Canbashers - Match Report

Unbeaten Season Staggers On

 

Given that 5 days before the game, our chairman was standing in navel deep water and worms on the square, it is quite remarkable that Sunday's game happened at all. However, the weather for the annual fixture against the Canbashers is as reliable as Eddy's off drive and so it proved again this year.

 

Before I continue, I did receive a number of complaints after the last match report about the number of references to Eddy Skills. I am a good listener so I will endeavour to try my best not to mention Skillsy again. It will not be easy and for anyone who fought to get a coronation chicken sandwich at tea this week, they will understand at least one of the necessities of reporting on Skills from last week.

 

Anyhow, onwards and upwards in a non-Skilbeckian direction.  

 

The Bashers take the game against us very seriously and fielded what, in the pub, looked like a very sharp team. We arrived in customary shape on the dot of ten to two with our skipper holding on very tightly to a box of super strength fast acting nurofen. Not a cloud in the sky and not a single bollard flattened in Ticehurst as we made our way to the hallowed turf. Quite soggy hallowed turf admittedly but nothing was going to stop this fixture happening.

 

Neilo won the toss (I assume) and put them in which was certainly the correct thing to do on a damp, slow pitch. Of the two openers for the Canbashers, one horribly misread the pitch for a belter in Antigua and played a quite extraordinary range of highly inappropriate shots, almost removing Dixie Deans fingers in the process. Gus Grant was the other and went on to make a fine 50. Over the years we have watched Gus grow up into the bloke with the best looking girlfriend on the pitch by miles. And a fine cricketer he has turned into as well. (Was it just me who noticed his girlfriend? I bet it wasn't.  He's a lucky lad). Shades of 30 years ago and sports cars and no children.  He batted well and supported by 2 or 3 other bashers, was largely responsible for getting them to a total of 127 off the 35 overs. Our bowlers did well and the fielding was sharp all afternoon.

 

Skilbeck : 7/0/21//1

Clifton : 7/2/19/1

Grigson 7/3/8/3

Todd : 7/0/38/0

Lund : 6/2/25/2

Dean : 1/0/6/0

 

Neilo was at his very best, and the rest speak for themselves. You will notice that Skills took 1 for 21 and was responsible for one of the finest caught and bowled wickets in many a long year. But I won't mention that as I really am trying very hard not to mention Skills. Dixie was handed the very last over due to a small mathematical miscalculation and proved worthy of a demanding task. Bang on the money Dix for every one of his 6 balls.

 

Our simple task was to chase down 127 and we did!!  Ross and Skills opened and put on a few until a lobbed catch to mid off by skills saw Jamie Mackwood arrive and put on 70 odd for the second wicket. The bashers asked me if it was ok to bowl at him normally and I said of course. He is a fine young batsman and did well. Ross hung around after Jamie’s demise and we were approx. 20 short when we lost a couple of wickets to suddenly feel that it was possible to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. A feeling made more real when the score board suddenly started moving on its own, adding overs and subtracting runs..... Not sure what was going on there lads but it didn't go down well with either side out in the middle!!   However, by hook or by crook we crawled over the line thanks to Toby's clean hitting and Geoff's not so clean hitting.  Well done all. Tramadol all round washed down with 4 pints of Guinness and a fag or two.   

 

Played 4 won 3 drawn 1 and with no games now scheduled until September, we can confidently declare that we will be unbeaten right up until the end of august. Now there's a feeling to re-live whilst lying on the beach in Greece praying for a devaluation before you have to pay the bill at the end.

 

Skils :9

Ross : 42

Mackwood 31

Knight : 12 n/o

Grigson (new bat) 1

Clifton : 8 (inc. a 6) n/0

Rascals v's Canbashers

The Rascals juggernaut of unbeatenness rolls on inexorably into the summer recess (house, surely? Ed.). Well done boys, gutted to miss it. PK

Rascals v's Impediments - Match Report

Green Shoots amidst the Showers

 

We gathered on Sunday for the 10th Andy Goodale memorial match, in a determined state of mind given that the Rascals hadn't laid hands on the trophy since 2008.  Our chairman and the junior groundsman/tractor driver had spent the morning preparing the arena for play in light drizzle so it was always going to be a close run thing as to whether we even played but the gods were with us and all was well. In fact, the real Gods were playing at the Somme festival near Reading the day before and our skipper arrived full of the joys of using Boris Johnson's shiny olympic transport network to get there. That really sounded good fun. Anyway, gang mowing in light drizzle is a depressing task but I imagine nothing compared to playing to a handful of drenched fans in a muddy bog  somewhere north of london. True dedication lads.

 

The Bell served us promptly and we also started right on time at 3.15. Neilo won the toss and inserted the opposition who were then clinically dismembered over the next hour and a half.  And that clinical dismemberment included at least 3 dropped catches and several chances to first slip which just went past. Teddy was at first slip and I think we can safely blame the huge lunch of potted shrimps on toast washed down with industrial quantities of lager that had been consumed in haste over a couple of hours at the pub beforehand.

 

Ned G took 3 for very few, just pipping Teddy who took 3 for a few more than Ned. Interestingly, Eddy was sure Ned had only taken two wickets until proper due diligence was performed after the match. All bowled well in admittedly helpful conditions and we rolled them over for 65.  Their only batsmen who stayed any length of time at all was Matthew Roberts who shouts a lot when he bats.  

 

And Toby caught a blinder. And Ant was brilliantly tireless. And Jamie Mackwood sealed a very long term contract to be our wicketkeeper for the next 20 years or so.  Very good hands young man.  

 

Tea, of the sublime variety, was taken whilst Burwash, in sight and 4 miles away, received the mother of all soakings which we were lucky to miss. I love those coronation chicken sarnies but not as much as Skills sadly.  Bet there were none left.

 

Neilo changed the usual batting order and took the first ball himself, whereupon he had to fend off two overs of complete dross from Nigel.  Except for one ball that bowled him. Phil, his partner, continued the good work with Jamie Mackwood until his demise.  As I walked out, Phil said it was like shooting fish in a barrel out there so I took him at his word and was out second ball for nought. Kit came and went too (Ross nos 4 and 5 for 1 run in total.  Sorry about that). PK joined Jamie M and saw us home with about 75 overs to spare.  And Skills' new "average preserving tactic" was to umpire from start to finish.  Does that mean it stays the same I wonder??  

 

All in all a thoroughly professional performance from the team to extend our unbeaten run to 3 games. Let's just cancel the rest of em shall we?   On the sidelines, as we were chasing down this gargantuan total, we were entertained royally with particular mention of a dog fight, which the skipper ended with an immaculate left boot to the hind quarters. He's clearly done that before at home!!

 

After the game we retired to the Bull and I think most of the team are still there waiting for their first pint.  The bat that serves as the trophy was returned to our tender care for the next year and our skipper gave a long and involved victory speech that was much appreciated by all who were present and lucky enough to witness.

 

Green shoots of youth and promise all over the pitch. A vision of the future as we all get older and continue to drink and smoke too much, both the night before and on the morning of the game. Bad habits never die.

 

Floreat Rasculium pro nobis nostram dominus aureleas. (Look it up, as it really sums us up)

 

P. Ross

Rascals v's Donkey's Impediment

The trophy comes home after 3 years of hurt. Oh and Jamie was nominated man and boy of the match. 3 hussars!

Rascals v's Donkey's Impediment

Another victory! We remain in the precarious state of being unbeaten... Jamie Mackwood starred with the gloves and then carried his bat and us to victory with a handsome and unbeaten 27. Hussar

The Chair in the Corridors of Power (Uncertainty surely? Ed.)

Gentlemen, For those of you who wondered why I wasn't present at yesterday's match vs Matfield (well done lads - a highly honourable draw), please observe the pictures below. I was in fact having a private meeting at No.10 for the purposes of ensuring Ant Lund's place on the New Year's Honours List as well as Tarquin Deserter's incarceration in the Tower. Bless The Chairman

Rascals v's Matfield

A draw, but the honours were ours (we feel)! Still unbeaten, what a precipitous position we find ourselves in. Can we stand the pressure?

Rascals v's Matfield

Mr Clifton on his way to 37 and the team to 140 although Ed is having issues balancing the books. PK

Rascals v's Matfield

First interruption for rain. Do we need more?

Rascals v's East India Club: Match Report

"Hat tricks, God-like batting and a Continuing possibility of an unbeaten season"

 

The Rascals gathered on Sunday for the first match of the season against the East India Club.  We had to deal with a number of issues in the build up to the game, including seriously inclement weather (top work chair), the defection of Tarquin Desoutter to the opposition, and Toby Clifton not being quite sure whether he could make it or not, but the most significant event came when the Chairman called time on The Bull and changed the meet venue to The Bell.  Some of us thought it might be a typo but it turned out to be a complete master stroke.  We walked into the new pub, ordered a drink, got a drink and then sat down and drunk that drink.  Simple as that.   Amazing that it is possible to organise these things so easily…….. and we had become so used to the desultory level of bar service at The Bull that I thought all pubs worked like that.  You know, 20 people waiting for a drink, one useless bar staff and then the wanker before you orders sixteen pints of Guinness.  Nothing more annoying and none of it had to be witnessed on Sunday at the shiny new Bell.  The only hiccup was in the pub afterwards where three lads who had popped in for a quick pint at lunchtime were still there at 8 pm and started hurling their full pints at a brick wall.  Classy stuff.

 

The captains (Ed Skilbeck in our case) walked out to toss sometime between 2.30 and 3.00 and we were soon in the field.  The East India Club batted competently against our bowling attack comprising WIll, Tobes, Ed, PK and Ant.  A couple of early wickets fell bringing Tarquin Detraitor to the crease to face a full scale sledging and some seriously short pitched rib ticklers.  Undaunted, Dejudas batted in his own inimitable style and his partnership was key to the East India Public Schools Only Club reaching 175 off their alloted 35 overs.  One observation I have to make from my position in the deep was that Depoppinjay is now seemingly incapable of running between the wickets, preferring to walk.  On at least seventeen occasions. he was wandering back for a sharp two and we seemingly failed to spot the man half way down the wicket (the guy with the turning coat).  Anyway, a fine innings by DeshouldgototheTower and his partner was witnessed. 

 

The real moment of the innings came when a Rascals first was achieved when Anthony Lund took a hat trick in the last over to dismiss the last 3 batsmen.  The first wicket was to remove Dequisling bravely under pressure from a high catch with a wicketkeeper hurtling towards him at pace…… Brave stuff and many congratulations to Ant for finally getting a 29 year old monkey off our backs.  All in all a very respectable fielding and bowling performance commendably controlled by the skipper for the day, Ed Skilbeck.

 

Ed had mentioned to me during the week that he has been batting like a God this season and had an average in the mid forties.  Upon further due diligence, it was revealed that the average was calculated by ignoring all his innings played on shit wickets with bowlers over the age of 18, so we were looking forward to seeing if this innings was going to count or not.  Will Drew and Ed opened and after creaming a cover drive PAST THE FIELDER for 4, Skills missed a full toss and was bowled.  Does this one count?  Not sure yet……………  Ross joined Will and we took the score to 80 odd with a mixture of running and then some more running, both batsmen incapable of finding the boundary nearly enough.  Exhausted, Ross picked the wrong ball to try and fail to find the boundary and was bowled attempting to execute a ghastly smear towards cow corner.  PK and Will Drew then put together an excellent partnership which took us almost over the line.  The sort of line that has a horrible habit of getting further away the closer you get to it.  A final wobble as Will was stumped by the keeper and then Tobes was out LBW first ball.  Interestingly, Tobes and I had spent most of the afternoon discussing the LBW rule and I really felt we had it thoroughly nailed…….. and then this happened.  I dunno.  The other Will faced the hat trick ball, scored runs from it and then finished the game off in fine style in the next over.  I forgot to mention that the bowler who almost performed the second hattrick of the day was one Tarquin Dabsconder himself. 

 

A thoroughly professional runchase from start to finish and many plaudits must go to Will Drew for his 78 and PK for his noble support.   A win and the tantalysing possibility of an unbeaten season remains.  Matfield here we come.

 

P.Ross

Rascal's v's East India Club

The sweet smell of napalm in the air over Stonegate! Long may it last. Hussar!

Rascal's V's East India Club

E.I. Club 175 after 35 overs, but most importantly Ant Lund gets the first ever hat trick along with a Michelle. He is truly all Rascal

More updates at close of play. How jolly tantalising....