Match Report Version 1.1 (Paul Ross)
Nosebleeds and the Chairman's Jock Strap
When I got a call from Skills on Friday evening, informing me that the forecast for sunday was shit, I had a feeling that it was going to be a game played in bright sunshine, and for the most part my hunch proved to be correct. We gathered to play the annual Andy Goodale memorial match on Nigel's former pudding on Sunday in drizzle but soon it was fine, and bright and dry.
It was clear the skipper was in determined mood for his last appearance of the season; Billy not allowed a packet of crisps to go with his lemonade was an early sign of him not standing for any nonsense. Nigel had promised a barrel of Harveys at the ground so Billy had to sacrifice those crisps so the the old man could chuck back a couple of free pints before winning the toss and inserting the Donkeys dangling impediment into a spongy pudding. We were all happy with that but not nearly as happy as the donkey, who didn't want to withdraw at all.
The imps got off to a flying start as we all worked out where we were, what game we were playing and where we were supposed to be standing. After about ten overs we had resolved all of the above, but not before a Collier had hit a quick fifty and a bowling change was needed. Kit on full debut, and Toby proved masterful at stemming the runs and wickets started to fall. One correction. It wasn't Kit's first match but in the spirit of Teddy's batting average calculation (where he eliminates all innings below 10 to calculate the number) let's forget about last year and say this was his full debut.
The top order of the Imps was packed with former and current first X1 players, mostly called Collier, and we bowled expertly at them. Getting Alex Collier stumped early saved a lot of time looking for lost balls and then the innings hit the buffers in a major way. Fred Keeling, Toby, Kit, PK, Neilo and Teddy all bowled very well and Ant Lund, who took three for none in the last game, was not even required.(He didn't bat either!) The side fielded well, but this was all about getting Colliers out early and bowling well. Imps all out for 153 having been 100 for none. Good work
Tea (beer) was served and my only memory was putting out a general warning that Eddy was eyeing up the sandwiches and clearly calculating how many could be feasibly made to fit on one plate without appearing greedy or forward. All was polished off and battle resumed.
In the second over of our innings an incident happened which has two different scripts, so for the sake of full disclosure, here they both are. Script one, Skills is hit on his left heel by a fast yorker and is plumb lbw. Script 2 is that tobes (umpiring) should have given the other batsman out (me) the ball before and took out his guilt and angst on the other poor batsmen (skills) when it hit his foot a couple of balls later. No prizes for guessing which one Skills subscribes to but it was a brave piece of umpiring in anyones language. This never bloody happens in league cricket!!
Our score moved along sedately, losing PK and Ross in the process but when the skipper joined Jamie Mackwood with 95 to win, who would have thought they would take us all the way home. Both batted very well in the face of a declining attack and by the end, the only danger was being hit by one of the towels that were being thrown in from all quarters. Well done to both for a calm and supremely well executed run chase.
Every batsmen who was out did a valiant and difficult stint of umpiring (except Skills who hid in his car, refusing to reappear to put on a white coat).
An excellent victory and a great all round team performance by all concerned. That's now 2 victories in a row so its nosebleed time as we just get higher and higher. On a roll.
We retired to a pub called the Bull for a presentation of the Trophy and a bloody long wait for a drink. I think pub is somewhat of a misnoma for the Bull. "Shithole run by a total wanker" is nearer the mark and my vote would be to go anywhere else in the Weald of Kent and Sussex rather than put a couple of hundred quid into such an undeserving pocket. It is so bad, we had to stay until gone midnight.
The chairman promised anyone that would listen that a long rant on the modern state of jockstraps is on the way, so we all look forward to that keenly. Perhaps it could be delivered verbally at the Mike Martin game, when we all meet again in a couple of weeks time.
A tres bientot mes amis
When I got a call from Skills on Friday evening, informing me that the forecast for sunday was shit, I had a feeling that it was going to be a game played in bright sunshine, and for the most part my hunch proved to be correct. We gathered to play the annual Andy Goodale memorial match on Nigel's former pudding on Sunday in drizzle but soon it was fine, and bright and dry.
It was clear the skipper was in determined mood for his last appearance of the season; Billy not allowed a packet of crisps to go with his lemonade was an early sign of him not standing for any nonsense. Nigel had promised a barrel of Harveys at the ground so Billy had to sacrifice those crisps so the the old man could chuck back a couple of free pints before winning the toss and inserting the Donkeys dangling impediment into a spongy pudding. We were all happy with that but not nearly as happy as the donkey, who didn't want to withdraw at all.
The imps got off to a flying start as we all worked out where we were, what game we were playing and where we were supposed to be standing. After about ten overs we had resolved all of the above, but not before a Collier had hit a quick fifty and a bowling change was needed. Kit on full debut, and Toby proved masterful at stemming the runs and wickets started to fall. One correction. It wasn't Kit's first match but in the spirit of Teddy's batting average calculation (where he eliminates all innings below 10 to calculate the number) let's forget about last year and say this was his full debut.
The top order of the Imps was packed with former and current first X1 players, mostly called Collier, and we bowled expertly at them. Getting Alex Collier stumped early saved a lot of time looking for lost balls and then the innings hit the buffers in a major way. Fred Keeling, Toby, Kit, PK, Neilo and Teddy all bowled very well and Ant Lund, who took three for none in the last game, was not even required.(He didn't bat either!) The side fielded well, but this was all about getting Colliers out early and bowling well. Imps all out for 153 having been 100 for none. Good work
Tea (beer) was served and my only memory was putting out a general warning that Eddy was eyeing up the sandwiches and clearly calculating how many could be feasibly made to fit on one plate without appearing greedy or forward. All was polished off and battle resumed.
In the second over of our innings an incident happened which has two different scripts, so for the sake of full disclosure, here they both are. Script one, Skills is hit on his left heel by a fast yorker and is plumb lbw. Script 2 is that tobes (umpiring) should have given the other batsman out (me) the ball before and took out his guilt and angst on the other poor batsmen (skills) when it hit his foot a couple of balls later. No prizes for guessing which one Skills subscribes to but it was a brave piece of umpiring in anyones language. This never bloody happens in league cricket!!
Our score moved along sedately, losing PK and Ross in the process but when the skipper joined Jamie Mackwood with 95 to win, who would have thought they would take us all the way home. Both batted very well in the face of a declining attack and by the end, the only danger was being hit by one of the towels that were being thrown in from all quarters. Well done to both for a calm and supremely well executed run chase.
Every batsmen who was out did a valiant and difficult stint of umpiring (except Skills who hid in his car, refusing to reappear to put on a white coat).
An excellent victory and a great all round team performance by all concerned. That's now 2 victories in a row so its nosebleed time as we just get higher and higher. On a roll.
We retired to a pub called the Bull for a presentation of the Trophy and a bloody long wait for a drink. I think pub is somewhat of a misnoma for the Bull. "Shithole run by a total wanker" is nearer the mark and my vote would be to go anywhere else in the Weald of Kent and Sussex rather than put a couple of hundred quid into such an undeserving pocket. It is so bad, we had to stay until gone midnight.
The chairman promised anyone that would listen that a long rant on the modern state of jockstraps is on the way, so we all look forward to that keenly. Perhaps it could be delivered verbally at the Mike Martin game, when we all meet again in a couple of weeks time.
A tres bientot mes amis
Match Report Version 1.2 (The Chair)
Threatening
clouds and steady spitting rain abated in time for us to get underway by
3.00pm, after enjoying Nigel Bowie’s liquid hospitality at his new and impressive
pavilion at Pear Tree Hill. The
commodious nature of the modern young gentleman’s cricket bag did prove
ergonomically challenging in the small changing room and many Rascals found
themselves ogling with envy the tracts of space provided by the largest unisex
bog in East Sussex.
Although
not as stuffed with youth as Collier United, our team boasted the delightful inclusion
of Kit Ross (with much expectation on his shoulders after his performance
against us two games back), Jamie Mackwood (once more with the gloves), Fred
Keeling and his old chum Will Dunn (playing for the first since the operation
on his finger last year – Rascals induced , of course). Had the game been at
home I might have insisted on the Rubber Bat Handle Applicator Shower Inititaion
Ceremony for this lot.
Winning the
toss for the third match in a row the Skip reverted to the procedure of yore
and we took to the field. Pear Tree Hill
has traditionally been a tough wicket to bat on (and bowl on for that matter…) and
this was no exception, with the ball holding up and not coming on. However Will Collier and Landsdowne made very
fine opening progress and reached the ton.
Much as with the last match, it seemd like matters were about to run
away with themsleves. However, yet again,
a good strong turnout in the field started to reap rewards. Fred bowled well and both he, an on-the-money
‘That’s plum…’ Toby Clifton and Kit Ross
started to pick up wickets. Catches were
once again the order of the day, six being taken by Rascals. The other wickets were accounted for by two
LBWs, a run out and a marvellous stumping, engineered by an attentive Kit Ross
who saw the batsman come forward out of his crease, and snappily taken by Jamie
M behind the stumps – ah, youth! Figures
of the day go to Tobes with 19 for 3 off 7.
The Oppo were skittled for 153 with two overs in hand.
Susan Bowie
executed a corking tea. The beef, rocket
and horseraddish sarnie being the pick of the day and something that I feel we
ought to adopt (despite Teddy’s reticence at any form of greenery within ten
miles of a sandwich!). It should be
noted at this juncture that both two previous home teas had lived up to the
regaultion unassailable standard.
Our
stalward openers of Paulo and Teddy then hauled their bread and cake laden
stomachs out to face Nigel’s assorted embrios.
Things did not start well with Teddy being given LBW by umpire Clifton
in the second over – not a happy bunny.
However, Rossco and his new partner PK consolidated and put on 42 before
PR spooned one up to a receptive Scott Collier at mid off. Only two overs and 3 runs later PK was also
caught, leaving Jamie M at the crease on 4 runs and bringing on The Skipper;
the total reading 51. Then ensued a very
fine, mature partnership and, by the time Jamie right royally blew the maturity
by attempting a reverse sweep and being caught at slip for 35, the scoreboard
displayed 142. Mackwood was beaten about the head by umpire PK on his march
back to pavilion, with brief respite to proffer advice to oncoming bat Will
Dunn. He and Neilo made light work of
the remaining 12 runs needed for victory.
Despite hitting a fine 4 to win the game The Skip remained 1 shy of his
first 50 with THE NEW BAT (which plainly is not as shit as it was deemed to be
last year…….). It can’t be said that The
Imps (please excuse abridged moniker) helped themselves with 25 extras (20
wides!!), but one must think, that with 5 overs to spare and plenty of batting
to come, we would have triumphed without them.
The Andy Goodale Memorial Bat was handed by David
Goodale to Neilo at the Bull afterwards; the presentation having been delayed
by the collectively extraordinarily tedious process of trying to purchase
beverages. However, no inconvenience was
up to besmirching another fine Rascals outing.
Huzzah!!!
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