Rascals v Northiam aka The Skilbeck Memorial Match

A typical day with the Rascals full of the usual casual, quirky vignettes. But where to start? Well the pub of course where half the Rascals side played the usual game of how late can we be without the opposition packing the teas up and heading home. So it was the usual frantic moment of being asked to bat that had us searching for an opener (bat and tin), kit, chaffing cream, foot powder, whites, lighter, cigarettes etc.

An echo reverberated round the musty changing room. Where's Ed? Paul Ross blushed like a virgin schoolgirl. Intrigue mounted as he limply reported that like a good catholic boy he had taken a vow of silence on the subject. It was decided that it was only fair if we were given three guesses. Was he re-cataloging his collection of pre war bus tickets? No. Had he (again) got waylaid in the Croydon and Orpington Gay Pride March? Er no. Then came a real left field question. Was he playing cricket for another team? Ross cracked faster than a peanut. His tortured face said it all. There was a turncoat at the very top of the organisation. Tinker Tailor Soldier Skilbeck. Ed's brazen ambition had been turned by a better wicket. For once in a Rascals changing room was silent....nay mournful.

So our gallant openers of Drew and PK took to the field on a fine breezy day to face Northiam's finest. Their young opening bowlers directional ability had clearly been re-calibrated by Bomber Command. Their early spell had everyone nervous - first slip, gully, the umpire at point. No one was safe except the batsmen who desperately lunged and swatted as best they could until rather surprisingly the little one offered a simple catch to a surprised yet delighted fielder. Enter Desoutter who expended vast quantities of energy swotting at air. However new bowlers meant better lines and improved scoring opportunities and both started to tuck in and began to look settled and assured. There were some lusty blows including one from Desoutter which NASA would have been proud of. As one fielder quipped " if my Sky dish doesn't work tonight I'm sending you the bill".

And so the two of us took the tally to 135 when, having given Northiam plenty of opportunity, Will finally overstretched and was stumped. Recognising we had wickets to spare and 20 minutes to go the batsmen came in with intention. Firstly Georgies squeeze James, whose first shot was an admirable attempt at a Dilshan. Phillip Richardson faced five balls for an explosive 9. Then came Lund and boy did he hit the ball hard and far. When he fell the the Chairman stepped in took over with a quick contribution before falling foul of the thorny issue of time. As we debated as to how rude it would be to bat on (timed game) after tea, we rightly declared on 215. It felt enough. How wrong we were.

(The Guinness Scandal involved Paul Ross and no one else. A rough precis would be as follows: people are invited to invest in a drinks fund. Money is proffered by thirsty investors. the fund manager goes and buys refreshments. Surplus funds disappear and the fund manager drinks the assets. They never learn do they! Note to all - keep your money and your Guinness under the bed.)

With Georgie Beattie having turning her hand to scoring, we took to the field with Fred and James opening. Both struggled to find line and length and within a few over Northiam had close to 50 runs on the board. But no matter we were taking wickets. First James surprised an opening bat who spooned the ball well above his head. Unclear as to where the ball was he advanced towards the other end only to see James grab the ball on the bounce and run him out.

However bats two and three stood firm and savaged any bowling an inch long or short. In fact they gave little to no chances to bowlers or fielders. In the end they made our score of 215 look embarrassingly light as they polished off the total with 8 overs to spare.

It was certainly one of those games where you don't quite know how you lost. In essence we were mugged and left dazed and disorientated. But any game that produces 430 odd runs at 6 per over cannot be bad or devoid of amusement.

We drowned our sorrows at the Rose and Crown: pleased be warned there is a new bitter called Hastings Handmaid, which I fear they left the maid in for too long.

And so as the Courts Marshall is assembled to hear the trials of Ed Philby and the Guinness One, presided over by Judge "Hang 'em High  Beattie" our thoughts turned to what Neilo would have made of it all, then again we might still have been playing at midnight! 

Notable performances :

Rascals -T. Desoutter  69, W. Drew 60
Northiam - J. Mackenzie 102 n/o, F. Thompson 57 n/o

Faithfully submitted, T. Desoutter