Friday 25 June 2010

Rascals vs Matfield Green, June 20th 2010 – Match Report

By Mark Beattie

An amazing thing happened at 1.45 pm at the Wheelwright’s Arms in Matfield. I arrived to find that ten of the eleven man Rascals team were already assembled. Normally, for at 2.30pm start, one would expect possibly five at 2.15, one of whom will have just ordered a steak sandwich and a bowl of cheesey chips! Even The Geoff and Jerry Show were there, having not repeated their gaffe of 2007, when their sat nav took them to Matfield in West Sussex. However, amazement was soon dispelled when I found that Matfield Green were already at the ground, in whites and expecting the match to commence at 2.00pm. Not the first clerical error on behalf of your Chairman/Secretary/Groundsman and certainly not the last. Apologies in advance.

After completely ignoring poor Matfield, we ordered more Guiness and it was approaching 2.30 when the Skipper meandered his way back from the square and announced that the toss had been lost and we were to bat. Then ensued a very tight bowling performance by the Oppo which tied our opening pair of Eddie and Rossco down to scoring just 24 in the first half an hour (Eddie clocked a slower ball from Cooper E. on the chin at 2.44pm, three mintues before, according to my notes, Toby let off). Rossco was dimissed first by an extremely unlucky ‘played on’ and Tarquin, his replacement, followed soon after – it should be noted that this was the 5th game of cricket that Tarqs had played that week! After the skipper was clean bowled heave hoing across the line of a straight one, the score rested at 64 for 4 and it was left to Geoff Knight and Jamie Flint to staedy the ship. This they certainly achieved with a fine 69 run partnership and welcome (for both us and him!) 41 from Jamie. Further contributions from Toby, Jerry and Ant took the score to a respectable 174 at the tea time declaration. Credit must go to Matfield’s bowlers who consistently bowled good lines and lengths (eg. at the end of Petits first spell of 8 overs he had achieved 5 maidens, 2 wickets for 7 runs….nuff said!)

Despite the best efforts of all-comers, The Rascals make the best teas…

It is probably safe to say that rarely has a Rascals team had a more comprehensive bowling line up, with at least 8 regulars. Fred Keeling and Jez opened up but it was plain to see that the Matfield batsmen were in no mood to hang around. Peter Danby (age 52, having completed a 10k run in the morning and having taken 4 wickets in his 5 overs) played a spanker and eventually fell to a Clifton catch off Tarquin fo a fine 77, the score having reached 92. The only other wicket to fall was that of the No 2. Shepherd, and, after only 21 overs, the winning run was hit. A drubbing…..?

As ever, The Rascals were quite magnificent in defeat, and the day’s prcoceedings were well rounded off by an unexpected, though welcome, early re-visit to the Wheelwright’s Arms, where Billy Grigson greatly amused the watching ensemble with his efforts to consume a very recently deep-fried chip.

Thursday 24 June 2010

Rascals v's Matfield (A) 20.06.10



Click on the image to see a larger version

A 'short' note on the LBW laws in light of below

Dear All,

I feel it may be helpful to clarify the LBW law for those not sure of what is a very important thing to know when umpiring, along with the bit about if you get a thick edge off your bat to the wicket keeper your out. Also, you walk!

1. If there is any doubt about whether the ball is going to hit the wickets when it travels the distance it has to, after it has hit the batsman on his pads, it must be given not out. Please take into account- from where the ball is bowled from; particularly on a square with such a pronounced slope as that at Stonegate. The further the ball has to travel in the umpires mind the less likely it is that an umpire should give it out. ie. if the batsmen has shimmed down the wicket a couple of yards, to try to cart the opposition captain over his head it should be considered that that produces a lot of doubt, no matter how loud the bowler appeals, waves his arms about, and then jumps about in celebration. (It's often very bad bowlers who appeal for things that are obviously not out.) It's easy to intimidate an umpire of dubious cricketing knowledge, something I am proud to say the Rascals are very good at not doing.

2. If the ball hits the batsman's pads outside the line of the off-stump he can not be given out, unless the batsmen is not playing a shot, and even then it's a very brave umpire that gives that one out. In our level of cricket I would say that it should never be considered.

3. Height. I swill say that again - HEIGHT! If the ball is traveling on an upwards trajectory and it hits the pads anywhere near the knee roll, unless the batsmen is a midget, it must be very doubtful that the ball will stop going upwards and suddenly drop onto the stumps.

4. If the ball pitches, before hitting the batsman's pads, outside the line of leg stump, it can not be given out. Consequently, if the bowler is left arm over to a right handed batsmen, or bowling around the wicket, there is even more doubt; think of where the arm is bowling from, again to a right handed bat. This all works in reverse obviously.

So in conclusion, there are many ways for an umpire to give a batsmen not out because of the many reasons why the ball would not go on hit the stumps. Always remember that no bowler can be in a position better than you, as the umpire to say if a ball will go on to hit the stumps, and if you say Not Out forcefully enough, they shut up quickly, especially if you tell them why it was not out as they walk back to their mark.

Please remember the golden rule. It's not where on the pads the ball hit's, but what the ball would do after it has hit the pad's.

Also, just because there were a couple of close calls that you gave not out as the umpire earlier, does not mean that you have to give the next close one out. If it's not out, it's not out. Read the score book.

Of course all this goes out the window, and the right index finger trigger is allowed to be used as often and as much as you want if-
You have a particular dislike for the batsmen.
The batsmen triggered you anything up to 25 years ago and you owe him back.
Your late for dinner at home and the wife has cooked something special.
Your thirst has got the better of your patience and you want to get in to the pub
The game is lost anyway, why prolong the agony.

Teddy x

Captains blog 6.6.2010

Weird Dreams

Before I recount the events of a stifling Sunday afternoon, I would like to ask for some help. I am fascinated by dreams and their interpretation and generally I can find a sensible interpretation and analysis somewhere, whatever the dream. However I have had a recurring nightmare since Sunday where I am chasing 2 men around a large field. They are wearing white coats. Initially I have a baseball bat in my hand but last night it was a chainsaw. I seem to be shouting at them and I never quite catch them up, even though I really really want to. They keep turning around and sticking their fingers up at me whilst laughing manically. I simply cannot rationalise or find a satisfactory interpretation of this dream so if any of you guys have any thoughts as to what it might mean, please let me know.

I digress. A young and fit Rascals side appeared on Sunday to take on Nigel Bowie's team of Colliers in a 35 over match. We were not to be led by the club skipper as he was somewhere in Africa judging the Miss Dar-es Salaam competition so I humbly accepted the honour of leading the side. And my God that was a poison chalice if ever there was one. Nigel won the toss and batted and after a slow start and a wicket or two, the procession of Colliers started. Nigel told me that from the age of 2, their father gives them a golf club and urges them forcefully to thrash the ball as far as they can. It definitely seems to work as they thrashed our cricket ball with great effect. It was quickly obvious that we only needed 2 men saving one with the rest on the boundary and this did stem the flow significantly. However we were staring down the barrel of a large target from very early on. The only blemish in Collier's thrashing over long on was when he thick edged it to Jamie behind the stumps. The umpire was Nigel's brother in law who is more at home in a leotard than a white coat. He said he didn't hear anything, Collier thought it was bat/pad (what?) and your captain for one day only had a major sense of humour failure for which I apologise from the bottom of my heart with my fingers crossed. As the Aussies would say, the only thing a Collier would walk for is the fucking bus.

I would like to pay tribute to all our fielders. Jamie kept superbly and because of the thrashing Colliers (new swear word maybe) everyone had a huge amount of running around to do, and moving in and out depending on which Collier was on strike. It really was a top effort and we managed to restrict their total to 200 off the 35 overs. We used a number of bowlers and the stats are (in the post) below;

All bowled well and special mention to George who certainly should have had figures of 2 for 41 at least.

Mark supplied the usual high standard of tea between the innings. My only slight quibble was perhaps there was a dash too much SALAD CREAM in the TUNA sandwiches, but that should not be taken as any form of criticism. Its just that I love tuna sandwiches.

Our reply started ok with PK and Teddy but the Collier storm soon hit. It has to be said that they bowl at an extremely rapid pace but what makes them so dangerous is that there is only one or two balls an over that hit the cut strip. Its all over the place and I am left wondering what their father told them at the age of 2 after he told them to thrash the golf balls. But anyway, Teddy and Jamie went in successive balls which was the only time in their 14 overs that that could have possibly happened. 10 for 2. I joined PK and we managed to dodge, weave and stretch to see them off. A word of appreciation to both our umpires as they had to signal so many wides it must have been tough on the arms. 27 wides in total!!!

From here we made good progress, keeping up with the run rate and losing wickets occasionally. All was going well. The Colliers came back on to finish their allotted overs and they really through everything but the kitchen sink at it. We saw them off. 7 overs to go, 3 wickets in hand, one batsmen well set and approx 50 runs to get. This was definitely on as they had no other bowlers. We could do it. We had put in so much effort to get to this point. We had no tail. It was on. The unbeaten season dangling by a thread but we could do it......

And then, as we were poised for the final push to victory, a strange affliction seemed to come over our umpires. I am not sure if it is genetic as they were both from the same family but it came on them visibly (I will protect their identities in this report for their own personal safety but their sir names begin with a K. This is followed by 2 Es. Then an L. And the last bit rhymes with ING)

It was either genetic or they were thirsty and pining for the pub or they had a train to catch or they just got bored at the end of a long day. Not sure exactly. But what I am sure about is that they gave out the last 3 batsmen LBW ( myself and 2 Todds) to wrap up a fine victory for the opposition. Class, pure class. Unbeaten season gone. Sorry Skipper. How did they look in the swimsuit section by the way?

We retired to the pub where dear Nigel was the only representative from the team of Colliers and we handed over the Andy Goodale Memorial Bat with good grace. Perhaps we should not have pinned Nigel down to the table outside the pub and beaten him severely with the bat first but I guess we can just put that down to youthful exuberance.

Well done everyone. A Long hard game played annually to remember Andy Goodale in style.

Requiescat in Pace

Kind regards,

Your captain for one match only
Paul Ross

PS. Tobes went off for a piss at 3.45 apparently

PPS. If you think my dream had anything to do with the events on Sunday then you do not know how to analyse dreams properly. It must be something else. Help................

Wednesday 23 June 2010

Monday 21 June 2010


Following the umpiring sensation of June 6th, I though you might like to see the birthday card and computer gane sent to Jack keeling for his birthday.

Sunday 20 June 2010

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Paul Keeling

IMG00006-20100620-1807.jpg

Look what happens when we play away fixtures! Hope you won, I did.
Paul Keeling

Sunday 6 June 2010

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Paul Keeling
ACI Europe

Impediments debacle

We lost and it was Jack's fault. Strange really as he wasn't even playing!  At least he has a friend for life in Ross.
Paul Keeling
ACI Europe