Captains blog 6.6.2010

Weird Dreams

Before I recount the events of a stifling Sunday afternoon, I would like to ask for some help. I am fascinated by dreams and their interpretation and generally I can find a sensible interpretation and analysis somewhere, whatever the dream. However I have had a recurring nightmare since Sunday where I am chasing 2 men around a large field. They are wearing white coats. Initially I have a baseball bat in my hand but last night it was a chainsaw. I seem to be shouting at them and I never quite catch them up, even though I really really want to. They keep turning around and sticking their fingers up at me whilst laughing manically. I simply cannot rationalise or find a satisfactory interpretation of this dream so if any of you guys have any thoughts as to what it might mean, please let me know.

I digress. A young and fit Rascals side appeared on Sunday to take on Nigel Bowie's team of Colliers in a 35 over match. We were not to be led by the club skipper as he was somewhere in Africa judging the Miss Dar-es Salaam competition so I humbly accepted the honour of leading the side. And my God that was a poison chalice if ever there was one. Nigel won the toss and batted and after a slow start and a wicket or two, the procession of Colliers started. Nigel told me that from the age of 2, their father gives them a golf club and urges them forcefully to thrash the ball as far as they can. It definitely seems to work as they thrashed our cricket ball with great effect. It was quickly obvious that we only needed 2 men saving one with the rest on the boundary and this did stem the flow significantly. However we were staring down the barrel of a large target from very early on. The only blemish in Collier's thrashing over long on was when he thick edged it to Jamie behind the stumps. The umpire was Nigel's brother in law who is more at home in a leotard than a white coat. He said he didn't hear anything, Collier thought it was bat/pad (what?) and your captain for one day only had a major sense of humour failure for which I apologise from the bottom of my heart with my fingers crossed. As the Aussies would say, the only thing a Collier would walk for is the fucking bus.

I would like to pay tribute to all our fielders. Jamie kept superbly and because of the thrashing Colliers (new swear word maybe) everyone had a huge amount of running around to do, and moving in and out depending on which Collier was on strike. It really was a top effort and we managed to restrict their total to 200 off the 35 overs. We used a number of bowlers and the stats are (in the post) below;

All bowled well and special mention to George who certainly should have had figures of 2 for 41 at least.

Mark supplied the usual high standard of tea between the innings. My only slight quibble was perhaps there was a dash too much SALAD CREAM in the TUNA sandwiches, but that should not be taken as any form of criticism. Its just that I love tuna sandwiches.

Our reply started ok with PK and Teddy but the Collier storm soon hit. It has to be said that they bowl at an extremely rapid pace but what makes them so dangerous is that there is only one or two balls an over that hit the cut strip. Its all over the place and I am left wondering what their father told them at the age of 2 after he told them to thrash the golf balls. But anyway, Teddy and Jamie went in successive balls which was the only time in their 14 overs that that could have possibly happened. 10 for 2. I joined PK and we managed to dodge, weave and stretch to see them off. A word of appreciation to both our umpires as they had to signal so many wides it must have been tough on the arms. 27 wides in total!!!

From here we made good progress, keeping up with the run rate and losing wickets occasionally. All was going well. The Colliers came back on to finish their allotted overs and they really through everything but the kitchen sink at it. We saw them off. 7 overs to go, 3 wickets in hand, one batsmen well set and approx 50 runs to get. This was definitely on as they had no other bowlers. We could do it. We had put in so much effort to get to this point. We had no tail. It was on. The unbeaten season dangling by a thread but we could do it......

And then, as we were poised for the final push to victory, a strange affliction seemed to come over our umpires. I am not sure if it is genetic as they were both from the same family but it came on them visibly (I will protect their identities in this report for their own personal safety but their sir names begin with a K. This is followed by 2 Es. Then an L. And the last bit rhymes with ING)

It was either genetic or they were thirsty and pining for the pub or they had a train to catch or they just got bored at the end of a long day. Not sure exactly. But what I am sure about is that they gave out the last 3 batsmen LBW ( myself and 2 Todds) to wrap up a fine victory for the opposition. Class, pure class. Unbeaten season gone. Sorry Skipper. How did they look in the swimsuit section by the way?

We retired to the pub where dear Nigel was the only representative from the team of Colliers and we handed over the Andy Goodale Memorial Bat with good grace. Perhaps we should not have pinned Nigel down to the table outside the pub and beaten him severely with the bat first but I guess we can just put that down to youthful exuberance.

Well done everyone. A Long hard game played annually to remember Andy Goodale in style.

Requiescat in Pace

Kind regards,

Your captain for one match only
Paul Ross

PS. Tobes went off for a piss at 3.45 apparently

PPS. If you think my dream had anything to do with the events on Sunday then you do not know how to analyse dreams properly. It must be something else. Help................