Monday 20 September 2010

Rascals v's Walland Wanderers

The Curse of the Carnival

Before I recount the details of a thrilling afternoon on Sunday against the Walland Wanderers, I hope you will bear with me for a short cautionary tale.

The Roman Catholic Church moves in very mysterious ways and this weekend we were lucky enough to welcome the Holy Father (the Pope) to these pagan shores. He did cause chaos in London on Friday but it was my fault for only allowing 3 hours to drive from Westminster to Hawkhurst. Not important.

At the same time as Pope Benedict was beatifying Cardinal Newman on Saturday evening, the middle order of the Rascals team was attending a staunchly Protestant carnival in Mayfield, as the various bonfire societies’ parade through the village as a prelude to burning some fella called Guy Fawkes in six weeks time. It is not a comfortable occasion for a good Catholic convert like myself, but the hospitality of Angie Grigson has always made it bearable in years gone by. Remember this bit.  I will come back to it later.

We met at the pitch on a greyish and breezy Sunday as the owners of the Bull still don't understand that thirsty people like to be served within half an hour of going up to the bar. The occasion felt odd as there was no Teddy Skills plotting and scheming and shouting; surely the first game he has ever missed.  However he was on the ball enough to send us a text reminding us not to take any shit from Matthew, the oppo captain.   Last year, Teddy was horribly hoodwinked as before the toss Matthew had said how weak his team was, could he bat first etc etc. For some extraordinary reason, Teddy agreed to all his demands and inevitably we were soundly defeated. No repeat of such shenanigans would occur this year and well done Skills for reminding us.

The WW batted and we bowled and fielded very well. Our beloved skipper opened the bowling, peeled off two lovely overs, took himself off and was never seen again. Tarquin and Toby bowled beautifully, Ant and Robin T did fine and the WW scraped to 150 off their 35 overs. 

I must recount one anecdote. The best batsman for WW is Mark Russel-Vick and I know him as a parent at MHS and his son is good friends with my Kit. Last weekend he told me that he had got out in his last 4 matches by cutting to gully and I duly relayed this priceless piece of intelligence to our skipper. We chatted about it and my humble suggestion was to pack the gully area with loads of bodies. I am not sure where we went wrong but when Mark did duly chip it through the gully area at catchable height in his second over, there was no one there. Oh well. He only went on to get 60.  MI6 here we come!!

Tea was also rather bizarre as it was provided by the oppo instead of Mark and Carole. Delicious as it was, it is just not the same and not as good and I really don't know why. We are creatures of habit I guess.  And they put far too much SALAD CREAM in the TUNA sandwiches. Yuck.

So then it was our turn to bat. 150 off 35 overs.......easy peasy.  After much discussion in the dressing room it was decided to open with Will D and Tarqs. The only flaw in this cunning plan was that Tarqs, by his own admission, has completely lost the ability to either judge or run a single and this meant that it was a wee bit slow. Will D made up for the lack of mobility at the other end by playing a series of glorious lofted off drives and things progressed at a stately pace. 12 off six, 20 off ten.... That kind of pace.

Will went with 30 odd to his name. Top knock. 50 odd for one became 50 odd for 2 and then 50 odd for 3. I joined Jamie Flint and together we managed to get the score to exactly 100 with exactly 10 overs to go. 5 an over with 6 wickets in hand. In fact, perfectly set up for our Carnival Crusaders in the middle order.

It was a strong batting line up and the sight of Phil Richardson, Neil Grigson and Toby Clifton as 6, 7 and 8 would surely mean that we would make light work of the 50 runs we needed off 10 overs (that's 5 an over, Robin). However the presence of all three lads at the Mayfield Carnival the night before came back to haunt them in a big way. All three gone for nought in about 5 minutes. Never underestimate the revenge of the Catholic Church boys. The fact that beer wine and whisky were consumed at the Carnival in naval quantities is nothing  to do with it. It’s much deeper than that and we must learn never to go to a deeply anti-Catholic event whilst the reigning Pontiff is in the country ever again. Actually, that should see us all through as it tends to be only once every 30 years or so but just in case, never do it again. 

Suddenly, from a situation of total control we had experienced the Mother (holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death. Amen) of all collapses and defeat was staring us in the face. Surely we couldn't fuck this one up could we?

We now needed 40 runs from a last wicket partnership that consisted of Tom and Ant Lund, batting at 11 because of a bad toe. Tom managed to survive by using a very cunning strategy. He said that he did not want to hit the ball as that eliminates the possibility of being caught and it worked beautifully. At the other end Ant hit three huge sixes and made 29 of very few balls to bring us to the point of needing 11 off the last three overs. Tom survived the third to last by employing the cunning tactic described above and then Ant got the wrong club out looking for his fourth six and holed out at deep mid wicket. So near yet so far.

Whilst the last 6 overs of thrilling action was going on, our beloved skipper decided that he was best employed thrashing at a vicious bramble bush with a stump with his back to the play looking for one of Ants sixes. A very wise decision given the result but I don't know if he ever found the ball. Can someone PLEASE train a dog to take over from Neilo as I feel he would enjoy the day more if the onerous task of finding balls when the game is balanced on a knife edge was removed.

If ever defeat was plucked from the jaws of victory this was it. It was a remarkable effort to contrive to lose this game and I am quite convinced that the revenge of the One True Church was behind it.   Never mind. I will confess this week to a Priest and all will be well.

And as a final thought, the Chairman sent us a Latin blessing before the game which was simply incorrect.

In Nomine Patri et Filii et Spritu Sancti. Amen.

Have a cracking winter lads and here's to some heroes coming forward next summer. I love you all

Paul Ross

 

Sunday 19 September 2010

Rascals v's Walland Wanderers

Close but sadly no cigar. A heroic effort at the death got us to within a shout - Lund gets 22 in 5 shots at number 11. But just not enough.
Paul Keeling

Rascals v's Walland Wanderers

Wanderers put into bat on 35 over challenge. Closed out at tea on 150. Now we chase!
Paul Keeling

Monday 13 September 2010

Rascals vs. Northiam - 12th Sept 2010

A welcome sunny day greeted those who sank a few at the Rose and Crown prior to the game.  Northiam¹s pitch looked its usual lovely self and was host to a timed game, with 20 overs after 5.30.  They won the toss and put us in to bat. Generally this was agreed as a poor start!

 

Sadly Eddie was to be caught at gully ‘early doors’ for 6, but PK and George Berthon (welcome home George) soon got the ball rolling.  George hit the six of the day into West Sussex, but was out soon after having knocked up 23.  PK was looking set for his fifty, but was caught on 37.  Both the Skipper and debutant James Collier also looked in good touch but failed to crack on to their half centuries.  Therefore, when our last wicket fell in the 37th over, we were probably 40 odd runs light with a total of only 140.  We also had to accept a fair amount of luck with a handful of dropped catches helping us even that far.

 

From the outset Northiam looked solid.  The top three batsman made good totals with Duffield going to carry his bat on 46.  Our score was surpassed after 30 overs and the loss of just three wickets.  We too were guilty of dropping catches but credit must go to Robin Todd and Eddie Skilbeck who both bowled extremely well and delayed the Northiam victory by some margin. Robin bowled 9 overs, picking up 2 wickets for 36 runs and Eddie bowled an excellent 5 overs, with two maidens, one wicket for the loss of only ten runs!

 

Northiam showed their customary generosity in the Rose and Crown after the game and despite a small debacle involving Robin’s wilful Audi A4 (aka KIT), a grand time was had by all.

 

God Bless,

 

The Chairman

Sunday 12 September 2010

Rascals v Northiam

Disastrous 6 wkt defeat. Early pub... Result !
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Rascals v's Northiam (Tea)

We lost toss and were put into bat. Looks thin!
Paul Keeling

Rascals v's Northiam

The team going through their normal pre-match warm up.
Paul Keeling

Monday 6 September 2010

Rascals V's The Chelsea Arts Club (Score Book & Match Report)

There was a delayed start due to, unusually, the opposition being waylaid in the pub; much to the delight of the Rascals members who found themselves with an excuse for the third pint. CAC won the toss and elected to bat.
After four overs they were 37 without loss and moving well. However, all seven bowlers who were given the opportunity for the Rascals did well and combined with some excellent fielding, notably Jamie Flint's outrageous catch to dismiss the eminently handy Alex Chamberlain,CAC were restricted to 137 runs at the end of their 32nd (yes an odd one) overs.

Tea requires little comment further than the ubiquitous superlatives,thanks to all involved. It was then up to Will Drew and Eddie Skilbeck to commence the chase and by golly did they do just that. When Eddie was bowled by Wighting, well into the innings, the opening partnership had soared to 95, with Eddie having made a commendable 54. Although Tarquin, at number 3, was somewhat less than successful, it was great to see Geoff Knight score some useful runs after his customary initial period of 'virtual cricket'.
We reached their total for the loss of only two wickets and with Will carrying his bat after a superb 52.

Eddie thinks it is possibly as long as ten years ago since we last beat CAC.
I shall confirm that with the post season debrief. Any road, well done you Rascals.

Click on the score sheet to see larger image

Saturday 4 September 2010

Rascals V's The Chelsea Arts Club

After nearly 10 years of hurt.... A proud Rascals victory!!

Paul Keeling

Sunday 8 August 2010

THE RASCALS vs THE CANBASHERS 25.7.10 – MATCH REPORT

Throughout the summer the weather has been kind to us and, despite the forecast of showers, Sunday was no exception. The Everythingman (author) had prepared a new strip for the game whose appearance was positively sub continental.

We met oppo skipper, Tony Grant, at the Bull pior to the game and he was speculating that the fixture had to be around twenty years old. Later in the week I trawled through the old scorebooks – which, it has to be said, are a dreadful mish mash of half information (….Rascals eh?) – and discovered, unless Tony can find an earlier game, that our first fixture was indeed 1990. So, next year, we will make a song and dance, or possibly even a ballyhoo, about our 21st. Perhaps a two day game with BBQs and general merrymaking thrown in. Sounds a gas but whether it is enough to persuade Page, Plant and Jones to reform Led Zeppelin with Dave Grohl on drums, is another matter altogether.

In this case digression is really not a bad idea, as the game itself was not a cliffhanger. The Bashers won the toss and put us in to bat. Their opening bowler was the 14 year old Ponsonby who some of you might remember as Bombadier Block from last year. Although he performed well (2 wickets), it was not until the speedy Burns came on as first change did any Rascals future batsmen get a trifle jittery. The first five batsmen all contributed well and the final score might have have reached 200 had two very unlucky wickets been taken. Will Drew, looking typically solid, watched as a ball from the Ponsonby the Embryo, dribbled off his bat and nudged the base of the stumps sufficiently to sleepily dislodge a bail. The Skipper was also looking in fine fettle when he hooked a bouncer from Burns, which would have made a fine four had he not fallen on his stumps. Rossco made a fine 48 but after his wicket (the 7th) fell, we struggled to push the score along and finally ran out of our 35 overs with the tally showing 175.

A spectacular tea ensued with sandwiches c/o The Chairpeople and cakes and bodgelies c/o Jessie Denning , Kiki and Jo Jo. Big thanks to them……

Chris Woods made his intention obvious from the first over, hiting Eddie for 10 runs with a six and a four. Ponsonby the Twinkle in the Milkman’s Eye was his opening partner and backed up Chris well, until he was run out with the score on 72. Chris’ brother Nick was up next, but survived only a short while. Gibson took on Woods’ mantle of aggression and, with Haddow–Allen and McConnell backing him up well, the Bashers passed our total with five overs to spare and six wickets in hand. Woods knocked up 64 and Gibson 42 not out.

A good track (much commented on) made bowling difficult. Ant Lund had the best figures with 7 overs for 27 rums and 2 wickets. Credit also must go to Robin Todd who leakled only 20 runs during his spell, and to his son Harry who bowled the only maiden over.

A cracking good innings was had in The Bull after stumps, despite the new owners’ best efforts, (no food on Sunday nights etc.), and we hit our pits in glorious oblivion as to the result of the cricket, basking only in the glow of fun and friendship. Hussar to The Rascals

Wednesday 21 July 2010

Racscals vs The Valley of Love 17.7.10 Match Report

Well well ladies and gentlemen, what a corker of an event. By unanimous agreement, this is one that will remain in the fixture list and may well receive the moniker of ‘Annual Hampshire Tour’.

A smattering of Rascals had made the unwise move of staying at Rutherford Towers on the Friday night (Jamie Paterson passed out at the dining table…), but the rest of us chipperly tipped up at The George in Vernham Dean on a fine Saturday. “Bugger the set lunch”, we all said,”we want sandwiches”, and got’em to boot. At the customary tardy hour we repaired to a cracker of a Linkenholt ground.

Due to the customarily tardy skipper’s attempt to match his team’s three pints of Guiness, the toss was won by Jim acting as uninvited proxy, and we were in the field. An oddly spongey wicket meant the ball was not going through as it might, but Old Tonbrigdian chums Rutherford and Clifton mad a promising start and the first wicket fell in the third over with the score on 4. Our bowlers continued to put in good performances – bearing in mind everyone had to bowl at least one over – and it was not until the partnership of Trewby, who had apparently drunk 25 pints on the previous day, and skipper Chris Wilson, did we meet some substantial resistance. They took the score from 54 to 105, but, after Trewby’s demise to a good straight ball from Ant Lund, there was to be little movement by the tail and in the 26th over (two wickets therein from Prodigal Sutton) the VoL were all out.

The pick of our bowlers would have to be PK with 3 for 24 off 4, and the previously mention High Plains Drifter Sutton, who bowled 0.4 overs and achieved 2 wickets for the loss only 1 run (an average of 0.5). M’thinks his figures might have been better if he hadn’t lost his immaculate flannels of yesteryear.

After a fine tea, Paterson and Skilbeck marched out to the square to open The Rascals’ account. Whilst Jamie excelled in this regard, with his 51 not out, poor Eddie spooned one up to Lofty Taverner for a duck (in front of his expectant Father – ‘Contemplate that on the Tree of Woe’, as was spoken to Arnie in Conan the Destroyer!). After this dismissal we only lost the wickets of Rossco and Ant, before reaching the target of 121 in 24.1 overs. 32 runs were scored off the last three overs, with Adrian ‘why the fuck don’t you play more bloody cricket for the bloomin Rascals’ Betts creaming four sixes.

Thus we retired to Jimbo’s beautiful home were we were sumptuously wined and dined by the Treasurer and Mr.s Treasurer, surrounded by happy kids, a covey of WaGs and general bonhomie. Prizes for the worst batting and bowling performances went respectively to Eddie and Chris Wilson (who made up for it on the dancefloor at about 3.30am, Incidentally, at 3.31am The Chairman was flattened by a Cloud & Sky Luvvy exiting the dance floor like a Tasmanian She Devil, and promptly retired to The Pink Room with Mrs.Chairman).

Champagne Moments :

- The appearance of Bertie Sutton after a protracted sojourn (please don’t stop!)

- Adrian and Jamie’s heroics with the bat.

- Both tea and supper – delicious

- The fact that Petra the Spaniel was able to fart repeatedly on the dot of 28 minutes past the hour (as per The Scorer/Chairman/Secretary/Goundsman’s notes)

- The Skipper making tiny adjustments to his Thule with a specialised mallet, after triple-checking the psi of the guy ropes on his tent.

- Jim and Clare’s quite extraordinary generosity (Huge Thanks from all)

Monday 19 July 2010

The Mike Martin Memorial Match 10.07.2010

What a glorious day! The Chairman, Chairlet (Max) and Jez Sheldon were the first to arrive at Stonegate at around 11.30am. Jez was nursing some very sore ribs that had been cracked a couple of days earlier whilst bonnet-surfing in London. Bonnet-surfing is similar to free running but is involuntary and primarily involves aged Nissan Sunnys, whose owners offer compensation by way of the gift of a pineapple. Anyway it became immediately apparent that the jeu du jour would be to tell Jez as many jokes as possible in oder to make him laugh……

Without the skipper present, Gazebos were duly erected in an atmosphere of strange calmness. However, sometime later, two were blown over due to lack of ground adherence and I’m sure I espied the upturned twitch of Neilo’s knowing smile.

Barbies were fired up, meat was sealed, roasted and consumed, along with plenty’o’ale and rosé (for the girls and Fotherington Thomas’). The teams had already been selected by The Chairman, so we were spared the hulabaloo normally emitted from The Triumvirate of Angst ( I leave you to guess who….). Thus, at a late start (no!) we commenced the 13th MMMMMMMMMMMM with a 30 over game ahead of us.

Skilbecks opened the show and (or should that be ‘but’), after three overs it was clear that an invidual’s runs would have to be limited to 35, as the elusive Mark Nicolls stormed to 20 with a cannonade of enormous sixes and sizzling fours. Thence ensued a pretty solid batting performance by the first seven batsmen, with Nicolls (35 rtd), MacIndoe (14 run out), Ross (25 ct) and Grigson (20 not out) included. Young Jake Clifton scored two more than his father, by clocking up 2 in his inaugural MMMMMMMMMMM. Mind you, with the state Tobes was in when he reached the crease (well done for getting that far) it wasn’t really surprising. Bowling was dutifully shared, with the pick of the crop being Robin (2 for 12 off 4) an Ant (3 for 13 off 4). As the last ball was bowled the the score moved to 156 for 10 (12 a side remember) and a visibly relieved Cambiz (No. 12 bat) removed his pads.

Tea was devoured and The Grigons took to the Field. The first five Skilbecks batted solidly amassing over 70 off the bat, with further contributions from Messrs Bye, Wide and Leg Bye. Aside from the unfortunate ducks of Dixie Dean and Tom McKenzie (apparently both intentional) the latter order did a fine job and the day was won with Jamie Flint on 25 and Ant Lund 17, with 1.3 overs to spare. Bowling worthy of mention : Nicolls (2 for 21 off 4) and Clifton T. – obviously fortified by a few Alka Seltzer and pint of tea – (2 for 11 off 4).

The day was rounded off by a jolly gathering at the Bull, complete with cup presentation and tales of ‘gwate dehwing do’ .

Particularly good to have young Ned Grigson and Jake Cliftom playing their first game, and, also being deflowered, Alex McKenzie who scored 13 more than his father.

Big thanks to all invloved with their contributions of cakes, bodgelies and salads.

HUSSAR the Rascals……

Friday 25 June 2010

Rascals vs Matfield Green, June 20th 2010 – Match Report

By Mark Beattie

An amazing thing happened at 1.45 pm at the Wheelwright’s Arms in Matfield. I arrived to find that ten of the eleven man Rascals team were already assembled. Normally, for at 2.30pm start, one would expect possibly five at 2.15, one of whom will have just ordered a steak sandwich and a bowl of cheesey chips! Even The Geoff and Jerry Show were there, having not repeated their gaffe of 2007, when their sat nav took them to Matfield in West Sussex. However, amazement was soon dispelled when I found that Matfield Green were already at the ground, in whites and expecting the match to commence at 2.00pm. Not the first clerical error on behalf of your Chairman/Secretary/Groundsman and certainly not the last. Apologies in advance.

After completely ignoring poor Matfield, we ordered more Guiness and it was approaching 2.30 when the Skipper meandered his way back from the square and announced that the toss had been lost and we were to bat. Then ensued a very tight bowling performance by the Oppo which tied our opening pair of Eddie and Rossco down to scoring just 24 in the first half an hour (Eddie clocked a slower ball from Cooper E. on the chin at 2.44pm, three mintues before, according to my notes, Toby let off). Rossco was dimissed first by an extremely unlucky ‘played on’ and Tarquin, his replacement, followed soon after – it should be noted that this was the 5th game of cricket that Tarqs had played that week! After the skipper was clean bowled heave hoing across the line of a straight one, the score rested at 64 for 4 and it was left to Geoff Knight and Jamie Flint to staedy the ship. This they certainly achieved with a fine 69 run partnership and welcome (for both us and him!) 41 from Jamie. Further contributions from Toby, Jerry and Ant took the score to a respectable 174 at the tea time declaration. Credit must go to Matfield’s bowlers who consistently bowled good lines and lengths (eg. at the end of Petits first spell of 8 overs he had achieved 5 maidens, 2 wickets for 7 runs….nuff said!)

Despite the best efforts of all-comers, The Rascals make the best teas…

It is probably safe to say that rarely has a Rascals team had a more comprehensive bowling line up, with at least 8 regulars. Fred Keeling and Jez opened up but it was plain to see that the Matfield batsmen were in no mood to hang around. Peter Danby (age 52, having completed a 10k run in the morning and having taken 4 wickets in his 5 overs) played a spanker and eventually fell to a Clifton catch off Tarquin fo a fine 77, the score having reached 92. The only other wicket to fall was that of the No 2. Shepherd, and, after only 21 overs, the winning run was hit. A drubbing…..?

As ever, The Rascals were quite magnificent in defeat, and the day’s prcoceedings were well rounded off by an unexpected, though welcome, early re-visit to the Wheelwright’s Arms, where Billy Grigson greatly amused the watching ensemble with his efforts to consume a very recently deep-fried chip.

Thursday 24 June 2010

Rascals v's Matfield (A) 20.06.10



Click on the image to see a larger version

A 'short' note on the LBW laws in light of below

Dear All,

I feel it may be helpful to clarify the LBW law for those not sure of what is a very important thing to know when umpiring, along with the bit about if you get a thick edge off your bat to the wicket keeper your out. Also, you walk!

1. If there is any doubt about whether the ball is going to hit the wickets when it travels the distance it has to, after it has hit the batsman on his pads, it must be given not out. Please take into account- from where the ball is bowled from; particularly on a square with such a pronounced slope as that at Stonegate. The further the ball has to travel in the umpires mind the less likely it is that an umpire should give it out. ie. if the batsmen has shimmed down the wicket a couple of yards, to try to cart the opposition captain over his head it should be considered that that produces a lot of doubt, no matter how loud the bowler appeals, waves his arms about, and then jumps about in celebration. (It's often very bad bowlers who appeal for things that are obviously not out.) It's easy to intimidate an umpire of dubious cricketing knowledge, something I am proud to say the Rascals are very good at not doing.

2. If the ball hits the batsman's pads outside the line of the off-stump he can not be given out, unless the batsmen is not playing a shot, and even then it's a very brave umpire that gives that one out. In our level of cricket I would say that it should never be considered.

3. Height. I swill say that again - HEIGHT! If the ball is traveling on an upwards trajectory and it hits the pads anywhere near the knee roll, unless the batsmen is a midget, it must be very doubtful that the ball will stop going upwards and suddenly drop onto the stumps.

4. If the ball pitches, before hitting the batsman's pads, outside the line of leg stump, it can not be given out. Consequently, if the bowler is left arm over to a right handed batsmen, or bowling around the wicket, there is even more doubt; think of where the arm is bowling from, again to a right handed bat. This all works in reverse obviously.

So in conclusion, there are many ways for an umpire to give a batsmen not out because of the many reasons why the ball would not go on hit the stumps. Always remember that no bowler can be in a position better than you, as the umpire to say if a ball will go on to hit the stumps, and if you say Not Out forcefully enough, they shut up quickly, especially if you tell them why it was not out as they walk back to their mark.

Please remember the golden rule. It's not where on the pads the ball hit's, but what the ball would do after it has hit the pad's.

Also, just because there were a couple of close calls that you gave not out as the umpire earlier, does not mean that you have to give the next close one out. If it's not out, it's not out. Read the score book.

Of course all this goes out the window, and the right index finger trigger is allowed to be used as often and as much as you want if-
You have a particular dislike for the batsmen.
The batsmen triggered you anything up to 25 years ago and you owe him back.
Your late for dinner at home and the wife has cooked something special.
Your thirst has got the better of your patience and you want to get in to the pub
The game is lost anyway, why prolong the agony.

Teddy x

Captains blog 6.6.2010

Weird Dreams

Before I recount the events of a stifling Sunday afternoon, I would like to ask for some help. I am fascinated by dreams and their interpretation and generally I can find a sensible interpretation and analysis somewhere, whatever the dream. However I have had a recurring nightmare since Sunday where I am chasing 2 men around a large field. They are wearing white coats. Initially I have a baseball bat in my hand but last night it was a chainsaw. I seem to be shouting at them and I never quite catch them up, even though I really really want to. They keep turning around and sticking their fingers up at me whilst laughing manically. I simply cannot rationalise or find a satisfactory interpretation of this dream so if any of you guys have any thoughts as to what it might mean, please let me know.

I digress. A young and fit Rascals side appeared on Sunday to take on Nigel Bowie's team of Colliers in a 35 over match. We were not to be led by the club skipper as he was somewhere in Africa judging the Miss Dar-es Salaam competition so I humbly accepted the honour of leading the side. And my God that was a poison chalice if ever there was one. Nigel won the toss and batted and after a slow start and a wicket or two, the procession of Colliers started. Nigel told me that from the age of 2, their father gives them a golf club and urges them forcefully to thrash the ball as far as they can. It definitely seems to work as they thrashed our cricket ball with great effect. It was quickly obvious that we only needed 2 men saving one with the rest on the boundary and this did stem the flow significantly. However we were staring down the barrel of a large target from very early on. The only blemish in Collier's thrashing over long on was when he thick edged it to Jamie behind the stumps. The umpire was Nigel's brother in law who is more at home in a leotard than a white coat. He said he didn't hear anything, Collier thought it was bat/pad (what?) and your captain for one day only had a major sense of humour failure for which I apologise from the bottom of my heart with my fingers crossed. As the Aussies would say, the only thing a Collier would walk for is the fucking bus.

I would like to pay tribute to all our fielders. Jamie kept superbly and because of the thrashing Colliers (new swear word maybe) everyone had a huge amount of running around to do, and moving in and out depending on which Collier was on strike. It really was a top effort and we managed to restrict their total to 200 off the 35 overs. We used a number of bowlers and the stats are (in the post) below;

All bowled well and special mention to George who certainly should have had figures of 2 for 41 at least.

Mark supplied the usual high standard of tea between the innings. My only slight quibble was perhaps there was a dash too much SALAD CREAM in the TUNA sandwiches, but that should not be taken as any form of criticism. Its just that I love tuna sandwiches.

Our reply started ok with PK and Teddy but the Collier storm soon hit. It has to be said that they bowl at an extremely rapid pace but what makes them so dangerous is that there is only one or two balls an over that hit the cut strip. Its all over the place and I am left wondering what their father told them at the age of 2 after he told them to thrash the golf balls. But anyway, Teddy and Jamie went in successive balls which was the only time in their 14 overs that that could have possibly happened. 10 for 2. I joined PK and we managed to dodge, weave and stretch to see them off. A word of appreciation to both our umpires as they had to signal so many wides it must have been tough on the arms. 27 wides in total!!!

From here we made good progress, keeping up with the run rate and losing wickets occasionally. All was going well. The Colliers came back on to finish their allotted overs and they really through everything but the kitchen sink at it. We saw them off. 7 overs to go, 3 wickets in hand, one batsmen well set and approx 50 runs to get. This was definitely on as they had no other bowlers. We could do it. We had put in so much effort to get to this point. We had no tail. It was on. The unbeaten season dangling by a thread but we could do it......

And then, as we were poised for the final push to victory, a strange affliction seemed to come over our umpires. I am not sure if it is genetic as they were both from the same family but it came on them visibly (I will protect their identities in this report for their own personal safety but their sir names begin with a K. This is followed by 2 Es. Then an L. And the last bit rhymes with ING)

It was either genetic or they were thirsty and pining for the pub or they had a train to catch or they just got bored at the end of a long day. Not sure exactly. But what I am sure about is that they gave out the last 3 batsmen LBW ( myself and 2 Todds) to wrap up a fine victory for the opposition. Class, pure class. Unbeaten season gone. Sorry Skipper. How did they look in the swimsuit section by the way?

We retired to the pub where dear Nigel was the only representative from the team of Colliers and we handed over the Andy Goodale Memorial Bat with good grace. Perhaps we should not have pinned Nigel down to the table outside the pub and beaten him severely with the bat first but I guess we can just put that down to youthful exuberance.

Well done everyone. A Long hard game played annually to remember Andy Goodale in style.

Requiescat in Pace

Kind regards,

Your captain for one match only
Paul Ross

PS. Tobes went off for a piss at 3.45 apparently

PPS. If you think my dream had anything to do with the events on Sunday then you do not know how to analyse dreams properly. It must be something else. Help................

Wednesday 23 June 2010

Monday 21 June 2010


Following the umpiring sensation of June 6th, I though you might like to see the birthday card and computer gane sent to Jack keeling for his birthday.

Sunday 20 June 2010

IMG00007-20100620-1813.jpg

Paul Keeling

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Look what happens when we play away fixtures! Hope you won, I did.
Paul Keeling

Sunday 6 June 2010

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Paul Keeling
ACI Europe

Impediments debacle

We lost and it was Jack's fault. Strange really as he wasn't even playing!  At least he has a friend for life in Ross.
Paul Keeling
ACI Europe

Sunday 30 May 2010

Well done PK for setting this up.

The team for next weekend's game is :

Clifton T

Grigson N (Cpt)

Lund A.

Ross P

Keeling P.

Flint J.

Todd H.

Todd R.

Dean R

Richardson P

Berthon G.

Luvness from The Chair

Friday 21 May 2010

Rascal's v Grannies Score Book


Click on the score sheet to view a larger image



Wednesday 19 May 2010

Captain's Blog: Match Date 15.05.2010 RASCALS V GRANNIES @ STONEGATE

Match format: 2.30pm time game, 20 overs after 6pm.

Rascals win by 5 wickets

Apologies for the lack of supporting stats for the following report, but with no scorebook available…

The Grannies lost the toss and the Rascals’ skipper put them in to bat. There followed an absolutely classic display in the field by the Rascals, catalysed by a stunning catch at shoulder height and to his left by Will Drew at point to dismiss their opener.

Paul Keeling (village end) and Anthony Lund (pavilion end) opened the bowling for the Rascals with 10 excellent and consistent overs each, restricting the Grannies run rate dramatically and taking three wickets between them in to the bargain. In light of this, and seemingly a little short of bowling, the skipper was left with the easy choice of keeping Keeling and Lund on for longer than any limited over game would have allowed.

At first change Richard “Dixie” Dean came on to bowl from the pavilion end, and began his season with some equally fine (if at times a little leggy) deliveries. Dixie continued in the same vein as the opening bowlers in restricting the run rate.

He was joined at the village end by our perennially late arrival Toby Clifton (work commitments), whose deceptively short run up disguises some pretty medium-quick, fizzing seamers. This change spelt trouble for the Grannies, whose wickets quickly started to tumble. Clifton’s opening wicket was a high catch to the skipper at deep mid-off, who fortunately held on. There followed another brilliant catch at point, this time taken by Jamie Flint who had begun proceedings with the gloves but had had to hand them to Will Drew owing to recent knee surgery. This one was hit equally sharply but was picked up by Flint low down to his left.

Some very sharp ‘keeping by Drew was responsible for another of Clifton’s wickets.

In all Clifton took 6 wickets (for an unknown sum) and was the pick of the bowlers in terms of cutting edge, but credit must go to all four who bowled superbly and for long spells.

Considering it was our first game of the season one can presume that arms had not been turned for at least eight months, and our sympathies must surely lie with the four bowlers whose pain the following day can only be imagined (and smirked about!).

The Grannies were reduced to 162 for 9 (all out as they only fielded a team of ten).

The only dampener on their innings was the need to stop for rain, which fortunately led to only a 15minute delay [ironic to think that the Chair/Grounds-man had been praying for the previous two weeks for a drop and had even had to have the hose pipe out on the strip the evening before!].

A delightful tea was then enjoyed by all – kids and adults alike – provided by the Chair’s wonderful wife, Carole. She even made the cakes herself.

So with a gettable target of 162, the Rascals’ opening pair of Paul Ross and Matthew Roberts arrived at the crease, and between them set us on our way with fine displays of patience and punishment of the bad ball, of which there were few.

After an assured start, Ross clipped one to short mid-off and went for a useful 24, which brought in Drew who started to play some classy shots and glances. The pitch was playing well and there was some bounce (although as ever there were one or two that kept low). However such bounce did for Drew as he tried to glance to third man and was caught behind.

Roberts continued to bat with efficiency until his wicket fell, but not before he had posted a very useful 43(?).

Geoff Knight and Jamie Patterson continued the upward trend before losing their wickets with the score in the region of 125 for 5.

Flint and Grigson made a winning contribution to see us home with a couple of overs to spare and 5 wickets in hand, the skipper making an unbeaten 36.

All in all a very good opening to the season. The Grannies had cancelled the fixture for the last three years, so it was great to welcome them back to Stonegate – and to send them on their way “tail between legs”.

Much thanks must go to the Chair for preparing our wonderful cricket pitch and for such a flat, playable wicket.


NeiloRascals Club Captain

Tuesday 18 May 2010

Rascals v's Grannies 15th May 2010

A Fantastic start to the year in all respects, other than the early sight of our bent a withered chairman festering around with strimmer and general grounds man’s accoutrement. But what geezer is he! Even in his dilapidated state he had managed to produce a pitch of exceptional quality, but sadly had to retire to his cave before a toss had even been tossed. Talking of the toss, our gallant captain started the day well by winning that (although he did expound at some length on how he had not actually won it, it was a case of the oppo losing it!?!).

Whatever the outcome it was a massive fillip to the team to have him back in our midst’s. Taking to the field in high spirits, it seemed like we’d never been away. The bowling and fielding was of the highest calibre – special mention of Mr Clifton's 6 wickets (did not see much sign of the jug at the Bull later though!) and a spectacular diving catch at point from Mr Flint. The long and the short of it was a contained and attainable chase of 163 to win. Great batting meant we got there with 4 wickets and 3 overs to spare. As usual we did not keep a score book of our own so will have to wait until copies can be obtained from the Grannies for the full stats to be released.

Also as usual there was much jollity at the Bull later, with much discussion of what a generally marvellous, fantastically talented, generally all-round-good chappish and, most importantly, unbeaten team we are!

2010 Fixture List

Saturday May 15th Grannies - HOME
Sun June 6th Donkey’s Impediment - HOME
Sun June 20th Matfield Green - AWAY
Sat July 10th Mike Martin Memorial Match - HOME
Sat July 17th Linkenholt CC - AWAY
Sun July 25th The Canbashers - HOME
Sat Sep 4th The Chelsea Arts Club - HOME
Sun Sep 12th Northiam CC - AWAY
Sun Sep 19th Walland Wanderers - HOME