Rascal's v's Moose (match date 14.09.14)

The day of the last match of an odd season broke with a clear blue sky and all set fair.  Came downstairs to find a brace of industrious Beattie’s slaving away over various sandwich fillers and purring proudly at the enormity of the lemon drizzle cake that had been birthed the previous day.  By mid-morning clouds were gathering and a stiff wind had picked up but hearts were set on fine last day of the season.  At 12.30 Beattie and Keeling were in place, as instructed by our captain, having secured our drinks at the Bell.  Wonders will never cease, but almost an entire team of Rascal’s had gathered by one o’clock, the possibility of a 1.30 start seemed, unbelievably, achievable.  There is though the strange ‘Bell Effect’.  An illness seemingly passed directly from the Bull, but with a slight kink to the symptoms: It takes a large part of an entire millennium to obtain a drink there.  Where the Bull used to resemble the Marie Celeste, it is quite extraordinary that so many people can find themselves standing on the serving side of a bar, with such remarkable lack of end product.  Inevitably 1.30 came and went without an obvious exodus from the pub to the pitch, but we did manage to get our captain onto the field for the toss with a 2 o’clock start looking possible.

Cries of ‘what are we doing’ were answered from the square by Neilo with a beautiful mime of a classic forward defensive.  We groaned as the discussions before the match were clearly that we would much prefer to chase.  When we gathered that Neilo had won the toss, we were flabbergasted.  It transpired though that Neilo was deploying a far higher level of mime than we gave him credit for; just prior to the batting action, artfully hidden in the back swing, he was pointing at the opposition captain.  What a bunch of duffers we were not to have spotted this!

Matters started out in reasonable nick, with their opener falling for the old ‘long hop’ ploy in the first over and popping up a simple enough catch to Berthon at point (lovely to have that lovely boy, back in the fold!!).  From here things went rather downhill.  The Moose seemed to have a line-up of youthful ‘naturals’, who, while not necessarily in a very pretty way, proved extremely effective at clubbing the ball, hard and far.  Was it the ceaseless assault from the Canadian seal farmers or was it end-of-term blues, but a cloud seemed to descend on the team?  Affected by this strange malaise, our fielding became somewhat erratic; some superlative high points (a Mackwood catch & Clifton stop) were followed (and slightly more often than the former) by some absolute howlers.  My best guess is that at least 30 runs went through our legs and a lot catches spilled horribly.  All of which only darkened the mood of our team.  All this along with accusations of ‘on-field’ abuse of the captain (something that actually fired him up to take two wickets successive balls) and rows with the umpires made for a somewhat scratchy first half of the match.  Tea was taken after completion of their 35 overs with the Moose on 248 for 6.  Neil’s bowling figures of 3 overs for 14 runs and 2 wickets, being the pick of not very competitive bunch as the Moose had generally put our bowling averages to the sword.

Fabulous tea, thanks mainly to Mark, Carole and Van, but ably backed up by Jo and Kiki I believe.

With just more than 7 runs an over required, we still had to believe we had a chance, but somehow it felt like a large mountain that we had before us.  Opening up with Drew and Ross, matters ticked along quite nicely with Drew falling for 18 with score on 48.  Ross went on to top score for the Rascals with an interesting 47.  Interesting in as much that he seemed to play a ‘backwards’ innings; normally it is expected that batsmen gets himself in, starting with a few loose shots before becoming freer and more confident.  Ross seemed to struggle with his timing the longer he stayed, much to his own obvious frustration.  When the second wicket fell for 90, we were still, if distantly, in touch and with Tarquin striding to the middle our hopes were buoyed at the prospect of some rough treatment for their bowlers.  The speed with which these hopes were dashed and Desoutter was despatched back to the pavilion was something to behold (or not as a miss timed blink would have spoilt the view).  It certainly caught our captain on the hop, who got so entangled in jock strap, pads, conversations with various spectators that I suspect the Moose thought we had all gone home.  Perhaps we had?

Other than the highlights of Mackwood’s (25) and Berthon’s (21) cameos at the crease, the low lights of PK giving the Chair out LBW and  a brief spat with one of their bowlers (‘I’ll keep giving it as a wide until you pipe down’), we practically had gone home.  All out after 33 overs with 172 posted on the board, it was perhaps not our finest hour?

But, as ever, and most importantly, we repaired to the Bull (unbelievably little debate as to whether it be the Bell or Bull, in some things at least we are in no doubt of our improvement) in fine spirits having thoroughly enjoyed the day and the season as a whole.  Even if there was only one rather lonely victory contained within it.  Anyway, who needs to win when we can all cheer ourselves up with the fact that Phil Richardson was never out for the entire season and therefore has an average if infinite!!  Suck that stat up you Mooses and Northiams!!

Hussar for 2015, and thank you to all of you took any responsibility for organising and making possible this season (Messrs. Beattie, Grigson, Ross and Skilbeck [if there is anyone else I have forgotten, I can only offer up my most abject apologies to them])

Rascals v’s Northiam (match date - 07.08.14)

A 1 o’clock start was always looking shaky for a Rascal’s team, but the prospect of a prompt start was rocked to its foundations by an 11.30 call coming in from our captain letting us know that he was going to be late (I hear you gasp in horror at the very idea of Neilo being late).  This in itself was not exactly earth shattering news and actually pretty par for the course, but as the call came in from A&E where he was tending to his son’s double thumb dislocation, it looked like the delay might be of more than a few minutes.

Most of the rest of the team, working on ‘Rascal’s Time’ did manage to muster at the pitch (some were already there (shrieks again!!) for a creditable 1.20 and we were all set to go at 1.35.  Tossing duties were shouldered by Skilbeck who, having been given clear advice that we fancied an overs match and batting second, won the toss and returned with the news that he had opted for a timed game and batting first.  Incredulity was followed by the dawning realisation that he was probably, annoyingly, right. With the captain missing for at least half the match, a pretty thin bowling line up anyway, there was little option in reality, so good call Eddie.

Eddie and Geoff Knight opened up for us and, though scoring slowly, saw off their opening bowlers; a rather useful and pacey pair of 15 year olds.  Geoff finally capitulated having demonstrated an amazingly complete set of cricketing (air) shots that the extended edition of the ‘Cricketer’s Complete Guide to Batting Stroke Play’ would have been proud of.  The strike rate did pick up, and Eddie and the ‘Dos Paulos’ (yet another 100 partnership by the Rascal’s with little return on the victory front?) took it to within a few overs of the allotted tea time.  There was a small clattering of wickets at this point, but all in the cause of taking us to 232 for 5(?).  A fairly respectable score and one we felt would be enough to make a game of it.  Phil Richardson was though overheard during tea to muttering darkly that we were ‘7 or so runs short in my view’, ominous and prescient words perhaps?

Ant Lund made an early breakthrough, but this was followed by a hiatus in wickets and a steady, if not flamboyant, flow of runs.  All changed with the arrival of one Zak Keeling.  Having requested a fielding position that was unlikely to see a catch as it is ‘my least favourite thing in cricket’, he strode up to the crease with his first ball of the season in all forms of the game, delivered a medium pacer of perfect length to James Fielding (a scorer of more than one century against us in previous years).  James was defeated by the bounce and hit it firmly back into the (very safe, it now seems) hands of Zak.  One more wicket, a fine snick to the safe hands Mackwood, our faithful and youthful keeper, saw him open his account for the team with a double wicket maiden.  Two overs later he had another in very similar fashion and the Rascals were cock-a-hoop and scenting victory. 

From here on though matters did not go quite so well; excellent fielding, some very solid bowling support (Grigson, Skilbeck, Keeling J and P) and a number of exceptionally close calls on appeals not withstanding, they managed to ease past our total with 4 overs to go. 

Other than a small spat that involved querying if their third umpire (if they indeed had one) might have lost the faculty of speech and that, with the two on-field umpires, they would have made a perfect team of sensorially challenged primates, the match was played, as ever, in the best of spirits. There was of course their much appreciated supper laid on at the Rose & Crown.  When Jasper and I left the pub at 8.45, Eddie and Rosco were still haggling over the last fiver for the tea-money, Phil looking for the last answer to his crossword and Neilo was late for work on the opposite side on the M25. Aaah, Halcyon Days!!

With one match to go and the glorious return of our errant Chair, we can still look forward to doubling our victory tally for the season!!

PK

Rascals v's Chelsea Arts Club 26.07.14

in absentia

Captain Neil wrote - 'experienced a bit of turmoil when, on Friday afternoon, we learnt that Mayfield had a scheduled league match and we therefore had to migrate to Pear Pudding Tree Hill to play CAC, with Rosco having to prep the pitch at the last minute. It put us on the back foot rather and invited a late start and subsequentLY a 30 over match was agreed.'

We took a bit of a hammering by CAC. I think we were 114 for 8 or 9 and they made light work of it for 2 wickets. Toby made an excellent 54?. Sadly did my back in the previous week and couldn't play.

My tea was a success though!'

Chairman Mark wrote - 'Spoke to Neilo.

Racsals either all or or run out of overs (thinks latter) for not much over 100.  Oppo then won with ease for the loss of something like 2 wickets.

Score book not used (or found!)'

Captain Eddie wrote - 'nada'

Groundsman (and general club factotum) Rosco wrote - 'nada'

Rascals vs Donkey's Impediments 19.07.14

Finally the sweet smell of victory! And how sweet it smells. More reports and pics to follow, but for now enjoy the odour. PK

Full Match Report:

Confusion abounded as to how the team list would look.  Huge quantities of e-traffic flew backwards and forwards; it was a spectator sport in its own right.  Finally, come Saturday night, we were at a full complement.  Sadly, by Sunday morning, we were back down to 10.  Luckily Neil Mackwood was found carousing at a local hostelry, accepted the king’s coin, and found himself sailing on the tide aboard the good ship Rascal before he had roused himself to his senses (Thank you Neil, you will be remembered and toasted for years to come).

More troubles came in the form of the grounds man; the machinery shed remained obstinately shut.  Another round of intensive communiques was fired off, with the happy result that at around 2.45 a new strip was starting to be prepared.  There was some grumbling along the lines of ‘if only he took that broom out of his arse…’, but it was happy sight to behold.  Tarquin took on the heavy roller duties and proceeded to leave the perfect impression of a pair of Rayban aviator’s in the middle of the square.  Amazingly at 3pm the pitch was ready, 22 players champing at the bit, toss tossed and Eddie had elected to bat.  We were on:

Yet again we started very solidly (can we make a habit of this?), with Rossco and Eddie nearly topping last weekend’s record (?) opening partnership with a reassuring 102.  Rossco went off like a train, sustaining a near fatal injury to his foot, free hitting his way to a fine 68. 

Eddie did not stay at the crease too much longer after being joined by Jamie Mackwood who set about the job of shoring up the innings with his usual aplomb.  He certainly has the knack of not looking like he has any intention whatsoever of releasing his place on the crease.  Jamie was joined by PK and the two them went, very nearly to the close of the innings.  This is the only time when Jamie looks vulnerable (for that he was), when he really starts to open up his shots.   PK was joined at the crease by newcomer Olly McIntosh for the last 5 balls.  Showing no signs of nerves, he hit a sweetly struck six straight back over the bowlers head on his second ball.  Your Rascals closed out on 248 for 3 off their 35 overs

A beautiful tea was laid on by Rossco (is there nothing that man won’t do for the team?), hoovered up by 22 hungry players and cleared up by a beautiful new addition to the kitchen, the delightful and ever youthful Vanessa K.

Having set them 7 an over, we were quietly confident that the first victory of the season was within our grasp.  With one wicket and only 4 runs hit off the first 5 overs spirits were soaring in the Rascal camp.  Olly McIntosh was tearing in from the pavilion end delivering some weapon grade pace.  Quite extraordinarily, their opener decided that the best answer to this was to charge down the wicket to him.  Something that left us all slightly confused.  Is it really worth risking life and limb for the Impediments??  Got to admire the commitment though.

Two Collier boys made a good stab of trying to rescue the game for the Impediment’s, until Alex C skied one to the heavens off Eddie’s bowling.  A short cameo from various bowlers (Mynott x 2 and Jasper K) at death brought around a final score of 180 all out off 34.3 overs.

Jasper K had the rare honour of being asked by the umpire to keep quiet while the bowler was running in.  The fact that he was the bowler at the time marked it out as a rare event (where does he get it from?)

As there was a wedding and the Bell starting at 4 pm and Neil G was absent, there was remarkably little debate as to where to repair to for the post match ceremonies.  It took some time to wrangle both teams to the same side of the Bull, but once there, some fines words were spoken by David G, Nigel B and Eddie.  The bat was duly received by the latter only to be snatched back immediately for ‘safekeeping’ by Nigel (perhaps he had seen Billy Grigson at work with another bat earlier?)

Scorebook, beautifully kept (our inning’s anyway) by Jasper K.

Rascals v’s Canbashers 13.07.14

Excitement at team lists received from the chairman in regards to those playing in the match was slightly dampened by:

• His inability to count past 10
• His inability to remember all of those on the list
• The inability of his team to be reliable enough to actually be able to play 

An awful lot of inability I would suggest.  The flip side of this is that we were asked to be at the pub promptly, so that we could leave by 1.30 and hit a 2 o’clock start.  All this at the special request of the opposition; they seemed quite keen to watch a football match of some description due on that evening (surely not the season for the big ball?!).  There has to be a first time for everything and, sure enough, this was a first that found your Rascal’s all on parade at the ground, on time and not a Canbasher in sight.  So early that Eddie was heard to grumble ‘Sod this, I only had one beer at the pub!’ screeching off to the local shop to rectify this particular problem.

With the sun blazing down, Neilo lost the toss and we found ourselves in to bat.  It is safe to say that we certainly started well.  The opening pair made a partnership of 109 before being separated (Ed a handy 56 and seeing the ball better than he has all season for us).  The scoring had not been the fasted, but all appeared ‘set fair’, 220 seemed a reasonable target.  But one thing you can absolutely and irresolutely be 100% certain of, you could put the house on it and sleep the sleep of the just, the Rascal’s will NEVER do what you would expect, and certainly if it ‘reasonable’!!  We were not all out (we only lost 5 wickets!), we just did not seem to be able to score runs at a reasonable rate, Felix knocked 19 with a couple of lovely 6’s, Neilo 14 and Clifton 15 not out.  But in the end, after our 32 overs we were only 186 for 5, setting them a pretty thin looking target of less than 6 an over.

A simply awesome tea followed, possibly Mark & Carole’s swan song (not if I have anything to with it!), and one of their best yet!  Thanks as ever. (Jo photobombs again!!)

Under darkening skies we took the field to endeavor to collect our first win of the season.  Not a great start in this respect, the first 4 overs were duly dispatched for 35.

A short but intense rain burst halted play for about 15 minutes, but it looked like it easily might have lasted longer!  Following the break there was a stemming of this torrent of rain and runs, but the wickets were few.  Sad to report, after only 28 overs, they had secured victory for 5 wickets (Clifton 2, Todd 2 & Felix 1).  It was clear that we were (a minimum of) 25 short in the total we set.

More worrying though is why have we not won a match this season?  Well I say worrying; actually we are having a lovely season and enjoying every minute, so what the heck eh?

Roll on the next thrashing!!

PK

MMMM 06.07.2014

Waking to leaden skies and a fine drizzle left me a little concerned that Mike had forgotten us for once up there in the great meteorological office in the sky. Why did I worry!!  By the time I arrived at the pitch, to find Marko busying around the charcoals and Neil (with a small army of helpers) erecting the 'difficult' up, the sun was definitely trying to put its hat on.

Delicious lunch provided by the Chair and Captain, thank you.  Much drinking and jollity (too much from me, me thinks), some discussion on how the teams should be selected (well done Paul R, for putting a stop to the cruel idea of going back to the school gymnasium selection method), toss taken and the Skilbeck's found themselves batting.

Too much rose makes one forgetful, so, if my memory fails me, please do NOT correct me, but......
Beattie & Bealby opened and both went on to retire, in fact I think I was the only one of the first 6 or so batsmen to fail in this sense, oops!!  More evidence of the aforementioned rose?

 The Skilbeck's posted 158 by tea, but there were times when it looked like it might be more.  A typically epic tea followed (thank you to all who took a hand in this).  The Grigson innings started with a tumble of wickets and, for just a moment, it looked like we might all make it to the pub in good time.  We had not of course bargained on their Captain.  Neil never looked like getting out (in fact not sure he ever was), and a young McKindoe stoically held the crease to take them within a very respectable 20ish??? of our score.  However it was not to be the Grigson's day and Eddie was able to take the honours.

(you see, the 'selfie' did work!)

We repaired to the Bull, where the presentations were made.  Mark gallantly gave a speech under the most awful and sustained attack from the 'posh sounding bald one', and Eddie received the trophy.  Can we get the engraving up to date?

 Another Great Day at Stonegate!!! PK

Rascal's v's The East India Company

144 never seemed enough, and funnily enough, it wasn't. There was a moment in their innings when they were on 76 for 7, that your Rascal's hopes were up. But it was not to be. Hey ho, 3 played and not a victory in sight. There is always the Kicking Donkey in a couple of weeks?

Mayfield v's The Rascals

Having posted 253 you would have thought we had a chance. But it was not to be. With rather a lot of ease (and 2 South Africans who I suspect were playing slightly outside their pay grade) they sailed serenely past. Damn!

Rascal's v's Grannies

First game of the season and the Grannies set a near impossible task (thanks to a Gardiner-Hill century) of 238. But the Rapscallions salvaged some honour with their reply of 206. The ground won me thinks?